If These 8 Kinds Of Nigerian Students Don’t Make Heaven, We’ll Protest

September 28, 2020

Oh, ye believers, I know you want to make heaven, but if everything we hear is true, not everyone will clinch the ticket. I don’t know really know how this whole thing works, but if there is indeed heaven and hell, these students have to be among the first sets of people to be admitted. You agree with me, don’t you?

1. The students that agree to help you print and submit your assignments

As these people come through for us on days when we don’t have anything to do in school but submit an assignment, so shall God grant them easy passage into heaven.

2. The students that help you keep a seat when you’re running late to class

This is questionable behaviour, but since they ensure you don’t stay on your feet for the duration of the class, they deserve to be among the first sets of people to make heaven.

3. The students that help you write attendance, even if you forget to tell them 

They have to make heaven, for obvious reasons.

4. Students that organise tutorials when it’s time for an exam

They give you a fighting chance here, so they deserve all the good of the afterlife.

5. The students brave enough to leave the class before the lecturer when the hour is over 

Their kind is rare but they do the Lord’s work, and the lord has to reward them.

6. The students that take your food off your electric stove if it’s burning and alert you

Ultimate love day 26 wow

They could have ignored it or stolen it, but they decided to do good. They have to enter heaven.

7. The students that write notes in class and allow you to make photocopies

They are the best!

8. The students that always have money and ready to loan

They don’t have to, but they do. Hell is not their home.

Toheeb Lanlehin

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

March 13, 2020

1) Teachers always picking on you. “Everyone at the back, stand up and raise up your hands.” 2) Cracking the funniest jokes in class. Especially when the class is quiet. That’s when the jokes get funnier. 3) Not snitching and getting punished together. Teacher: Who said that? Backbenchers: *Crippling silence* 4) Never doing any assignment […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

September 1, 2021

August is over, and here are some of our best quizzes from August. Enjoy: 1. QUIZ: Only Ajebutters Can Get 10/21 On This Quiz Some people like to form ajepako when they’re really ajebutter. Are you one of them? Let’s find out. 2. QUIZ: Sorry, If You’re Under 25 There’s No Way You Can Pass […]

More from Aluta And Chill

August 20, 2021

Sitting for any exam can be tedious, how much more, almighty JAMB. And checking your result? That can be a nerve-wracking process, but you have to go through with it because how else are you going to get into university? Better to do so as soon as possible so you can put your mind at […]

June 29, 2021

As Told To Itohan When I was in JS2, I started dating a lot of people consecutively. I was never really single. I dated two best friends. I even once dated a set of twins and their elder brother. Most of them were older and bought me gifts, which was risky because I was young […]

March 31, 2021

Growing up, a lot of us are taught that there is an exact way we are supposed to progress. We go from primary school to secondary school to university, get a job and then marry. It’s linear and exact. However, real-life isn’t that simple. A good number of people opt out of this race at […]

March 2, 2021

It is not uncommon to witness Nigerian graduates talk about emigrating. A good number of young Nigerians you’ll encounter are either already making tangible plans towards leaving, or giving it some (read: a lot of) consideration. However, it can be quite disheartening hearing the same from undergraduates whose short-lived exposure to the dysfunctional system has […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X