Malakai

Malakai

I want to get paid to consume art. Part-time writer
July 19, 2021

Dating your coworker can be tricky because if it ends in tears, you might end up jobless. Here’s a guide to making sure that doesn’t happen to you.  1.Check if they wear a ring often It is one thing to date a coworker and another thing to date someone else’s partner. If their relationship is […]

July 18, 2021

When it comes to making a man cry in bed, there are many things you can do to make that happen. If you are looking to make things so hot during sex that your man sheds tears of ecstacy, here’s a detailed guide on how to make a man cry in bed. 1. Call out […]

July 15, 2021

The University authorities released a statement addressing the rise of Covid-19 cases in UNILAG on Tuesday after this tweet was made. Huh ??? Covid outbreak in Unilag  ??? https://t.co/LbH5Xv3nM7 – Jahmal (@JahmalUsen) July 12. 2021 The statement reads, Read more here. School activities were going on as normal, even after several Covid-19 positive students were […]

July 15, 2021

The internet enables a lot of rubbish behaviour. But thankfully, it enables good behaviour too. Sometimes, people bond over where they got that amazing pasta that slapped. Other times, they crowdfund for people in need and you’re reminded that there are some good people in this awful world… Here are 10 things people bond over on […]

July 14, 2021

In life, depending on your living situation, you will encounter several types of roommates. At every point in your life, you’ll most likely have to deal with roommates. As a child with your siblings, in the hostel in secondary school and university, when you move out of your parents’ house (and you get a roommate […]

July 13, 2021

Friendships are harder to form as adults but easier to maintain, especially if you befriend people who understand that you’re both busy and have lives outside of each other but can make time when necessary. Here are seven ways to make friends as adults. 1. Stand on the road and beg people You can have […]

July 8, 2021

Moving out sounds easier than it looks. Anyone that has successfully done it will tell you how emotionally exhausting it is. This is why we have decided to share six tips on how to successfully move out of your parents’ house.  1. A great resolve  You will cry PLENTY. Furnishing a house is expensive as […]

July 7, 2021

Unilag always gets good press as the school of first choice. Well, these eight people think otherwise. Dee /400 level Nothing fucking works and the hope kills. The thing is, I don’t have any particular grievances against the school. I just hate it. You keep thinking that something will work because it’s the bare minimum […]

July 6, 2021

. Living in Nigeria is very interesting. People turn to animals, animals swallow money, and get away with it because no one bats an eye. Everything that happens here is unusual. So if you’re ever looking to get out of trouble by turning into an animal, here are seven animals you should not turn into. 1. […]

June 30, 2021

Nigerians in an apocalypse sounds worse than whatever fuckery we are living in right now. We don’t know how to be quiet or stealthy, except Nigerian fathers when they are coming to slap your head. So, how we go run am? 1. All our foods can be smelt a mile away Sometimes it’s not even […]

June 29, 2021

Friendship groups can be stressful to maintain the older you grow, but friends make the world easier to handle because tbh, life just isn’t it. And having people in your corner makes up for it. Here are 10 people you need in your friendship group. 1.The homebody Every friend group has this person in it. […]

Salary week
June 28, 2021

Salary week is probably the most depressing week as a salary earner. The anticipation, the money that has already been spent in your head, and the bills that become more obvious don’t do much to help either. Flesh and blood did not reveal the information we are about to share below. 1. Ads become more […]

Become an Instagram skit comedian
June 24, 2021

In case you have been thinking of quitting your 9-5 job lately, I’ll suggest that you learn to become an Instagram skit comedian. Here’s a guide on how to go about that. 1. Have a trademark costume It can be a wrapper, scarf, or wig, especially if you are a guy. Women are funny, so […]

Rich Nigerian Auntie
June 23, 2021

A rich Nigerian auntie doesn’t refer to those aunties from your father’s side that do nothing but comment on your weight and ask you when you’d be getting married. The rich Nigerian auntie is an aesthetic bigger than one person — and here’s how to be sure you are one… 1. You have the dress […]

Thick thigh problems
June 16, 2021

Thick thighs save lives started as a body-positive slogan, and while it has made people a lot more confident about their bodies, it’s not all rainbows. We’ve highlighted a few thick thigh struggles in this article. 1. Your jeans always get ripped You’ve long realized that you can never have a favourite pair of jeans […]

Zikoko 10 Annoying Things Older Nigerians Say
June 9, 2021

The older Nigerians get, the more annoying they become. They think that because they are old, they can say and do anything without repercussions. Unfortunately for them, this generation is not having any of their nonsense. We’ve highlighted some of the most annoying things they say below. 1. If you leave, who will build the country?  […]

June 3, 2021

Emphasis has always been placed on these words for as long as Nigeria has existed, and it is blasphemous to do otherwise. Many Nigerians are guilty of this, especially nosey neighbours or that one annoying seat partner in primary school. 1. Borrow Borrow This is the only way to address someone that is always borrowing […]

June 1, 2021

Pride month is gay Christmas that lasts longer than regular Christmas. This pride, here are few tips on how to be a better friend and ally to your queer friend. 1. Send them money Times are tuff, sapa left and right. What better way to support your queer friend?  Empty your bank account dear, especially […]

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

11 things that feel embarrassing but are not
May 26, 2021

There are a lot of things that feel embarrassing but are actually not. Being Nigerian is not one of them sha. That one is enough embarrassment. But then to be fair, random people do not care about you, and you shouldn’t care about their opinion. So, instead of being embarrassed about the things on this […]

8 things you must experience to be a true Nigerian.
May 19, 2021

The Nigerian experience can be can be fun sometimes. We have beautiful resorts, good food, and that one bridge that they show in every Nollywood movie. However, none of those things shows the true Nigerian experience, and that’s why we made this list.  1. Register for anything  Whenever you are bored, just walk into any […]

8 struggles people with small hands can relate to
May 6, 2021

Having small hands has its perks on some good days, like if your fork, spoon and knives decide to hide behind a cupboard you don’t stress because you can reach it, your entire hand can also get to the bottom of any snack you’re eating, but it’s not always good times. Here are 8 struggles […]

7 struggles People With Small Feet Can Relate To
May 5, 2021

Small feet might look “cute” but the struggle Is real when it comes to finding shoes that you like. As if being Nigerian is not bad enough, why do people have to deal with small feet? I’d like to talk to whoever is in charge but for the main time, here are 7 things people […]

9 People That Need To Cut Soap For Us
April 14, 2021

“Cut soap for me” does not mean they should divide bathing soap for you. It can mean telling your friends about job opportunities, introducing them to things that benefit them. It can also be a casual way to beg for good luck or a portion of someone’s destiny, like Jacob. If something good has never happened […]

7 Skills Conductors Have That Everyone Needs
April 8, 2021

Honestly, the don’t teach people how to be a conductor in school because you’d be unstoppable, a potential super villan and you might even unlock hidden parts of your brain. We decided to share this knowledge because you deserve. 1. Ridiculous parkour skills You know how conductors hop on and off buses at anytime? Imagine […]

9 Ways To Sign-Off Your Work Emails
April 7, 2021

Sign-offs are the core of every work email. There’s no reason why it should be boring. Which one is “Best regards” or “Yours sincerely”? Where’s the spice in that? Read this to make your work experience more interesting. 1. Respectfully, I am in tears You can use this when your team lead has emailed you […]

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