“Take A Bow” – A Nigerian Ministerial Screening Mega hit.

October 28, 2019

View this email in your browser

1- 8 – 2019

This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke. 

LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT LIST, PART DEUX.

Ever since President Buhari submitted the ‘ministerial’ list for approval on July 23rd, some of Nigeria’s foremost officials have been participating in what has been tagged a ‘ministerial’ screening. This is despite there being no portfolios to back their supposed ‘ministerial’ appointments. Hmm.

Having watched enough footage from the ‘screenings’ and taking note of the amount of times nominees were told to ‘take a bow’, we are 99.9% certain of what this procedure really is ⁠ — group rehearsals, for when Buhari finally relocates with his cabinet to the UK, and they have to do that little bow upon meeting the queen.

So what does it mean to ‘take a bow’? 

 

We see you Ahmed Fenty.

 

As a sign of respect during the ministerial screenings, the Senate rule book exempts individuals who have served in both chambers of the National Assembly from answering questions to test their abilities. This is because they are believed capable to handle ministerial duties, having held tasking roles in the past. Instead, they are simply told to ‘take a bow’ before their peers and to leave the chamber.

During the screening, a total of 24 out of the 43 nominees were asked to take a bow. This includes Chris Ngige, George Akume, Tayo Alasoadura, Baba Shehuri and Timipre Sylva to name a few, all of whom had understandably served as senators in the past.

Confusingly however, this privilege was extended to nominees yet to serve in the National Assembly.

A look at some reasons for nominees had for taking a bow.
 

Sharon Ikeazor: for being a woman.

Ramatu Tijani: same dumbass reason as above.

Adeniyi Adebayo: former governor and respected leader of the APC

Abubakar Lawal: I wish I was making this up. Lawal was asked to take a bow for ‘being loyal’, despite having only served as deputy governor of Yobe State.

Muhammadu Bello: a former Minister of the FCT, he asked to be exempted, for being a member of the National Assembly ‘by association’.

Rotimi Amaechi: for being speaker of the Rivers State House of Assembly.

Saleh Mamaan: the senators were tired of screening Buhari’s ministerial nominees.

Are you even allowed to be tired at a 13.5m monthly salary? Genuinely asking here.

 

Welp, guess we’re stuck now.
 

On July 23rd, despite having no portfolio to work with, the Nigerian senate confirmed all 43 ministerial nominees. Since it’s Buhari’s world and we’re all just living in it, our president has disclosed that the portfolio of his cabinet will be made public, after their inauguration.

 

QUICK! WHAT DO YOU PRESCRIBE A DELUDED GOVERNMENT?

And does it come in a super shot? Because we don’t understand what Nigeria has been sipping this past week.

A look at what made the rounds:

The APC trying to blame Atiku for trying for taking over the government?

I want to give you 10 guesses why they’re making this accusation, but you’ll never get it.

It’s simply because Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, pro-instagrammer and Nigeria’s former Vice-president, dared to congratulate Boris Johnson on emerging the UK’s Prime Minister.

Bruh, they were so pressed they released a statement to vent, which included such heavy statements as: “Alh. Atiku’s continuous portrayal of himself as a shadow president under our system borders on felony and makes him a patent impostor.” and “We expect Alh. Atiku to quickly address himself to the stark reality of his loss and move on.” Ouch.

Breathe APC, it is just a congratulatory message, okay?

Elisha Abbo appointed Deputy Chairman of Navy Committee?

Further proof that this government is off its rocker, the Nigerian Senator caught on tape assaulting a woman in a sex shop. Who also lost his temper at a disciplinary committee to hear the stated offence ⁠ — is somehow getting rewarded for his actions, following his appointment by the senate, to serve as deputy chairman of the Senate Committee on Navy.

But the worst part:

Boko Haram Killed 60 mourners, but the government won’t admit they’re still a problem.

Only three days after a funeral procession in Borno State was tragically attacked, killing 60 people, the presidency released a statement, signed by the presidential spokesperson, Garba Shehu.

According to the presidency, “The real Boko Haram has been defeated,” and only remnants of Boko Haram (?) and other fugitives remain.

This statement was made in a review of ten years of the insurgency. It is not the first time the government will allege that the sect has been defeated.

GOT MILK?

No seriously, do you locally produce milk? The CBN would like to know.

Following talk that the CBN will be banning the importation of milk, our Central Bank did the very millennial thing and released a tweet on their milk importation stance. According to the statement, the CBN will not be banning the importation of milk, but will instead restrict the sale of forex for the importation of milk. This is because of the CBN’s belief that Nigeria has enough resources to produce milk.

But is that all there is to it?

While the CBN would like to have you believe that, a number of Nigerians aren’t too sure of their intentions. For one thing, why the focus on milk? The CBN stated that Nigerians have for 60 years been subjected to undue spending for importing milk, and only last year, spent about $1.5 billion importing milk. But what about livestock, where ₦1.65 trillion was spent on import in 2017, despite having a comparative advantage to locally source them. Or even oil? Despite being an oil-producing state, Nigeria spent a whopping ₦2.95 trillion, importing oil in 2018.

Nigerians believe the ban on providing forex to import milk will cause the price of milk to spike, especially considering Nigerians consume an estimated 1.7 million tonnes of milk annually, and can only locally produce 34% of the required need. This will most likely cause untold hardship to the poor.

If the policy comes to stay, milk will become the 44th item to be added by the CBN to the list of commodities restricted from accessing Forex at the official rate.

 

DID YOU MISS THIS?

My investigative skills are slacking, so I have a reward for anyone who brings me the clip of Senator Dino Melaye asking Festus Keyamo to sing the second stanza of the national anthem.

Aregbesola is a democrat? Could have fooled me. Plans to impose higher taxes on the rich.

Remi Tinubu brazenly asked a yet-to-be appointed ministerial candidate to retain employment slots for her constituents. This is a country.

NOT.THE.NEWS.

This article on strippers that fancied themselves modern robin hoods, stealing from men and giving to themselves? Must read.

The Many Lies of Carl Beech. Incredibly chilling.

 

“Share me”

That’s your conscience speaking on behalf of this dispatch. Will you let your conscience down? 
 
Boyin
Z!KOKO

Share this 

Share Share

Tweet Tweet

Forward Forward

Copyright © 2019 Big Cabal Media, All rights reserved.
You are receiving this email because you signed up at zikoko.com

Our mailing address is:

Big Cabal Media

14 James Robertson Street, Surulere, Lagos, Nigeria

Lagos 101283

Nigeria

Add us to your address book

Want to change how you receive these emails?
You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.

Email Marketing Powered by Mailchimp

NerdEfiko

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

October 28, 2019

And they’re not good. View this email in your browser 17 – 12 – 2018 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things leading up to the 2019 General Elections, and why they matter. 5pm. Every Monday. Stay woke.  IT’S 61 DAYS TO THE GENERAL ELECTIONS And the vice-presidential candidates still […]

October 28, 2019

Forgotten Faces And Foreign Invasions. View this email in your browser 4 – 2 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things leading up to the 2019 General Elections, and why they matter. 5pm. Every Monday. Stay woke.  IT’S 12 DAYS TO THE GENERAL ELECTIONS And a baby got […]

October 28, 2019

Welcome to the Bad Boys Club: Ex-Governor’s Edition. View this email in your browser 27- 6 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  WELCOME TO THE BAD BOYS CLUB You are cordially invited to witness the unfurling of […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

More from Game of Votes

November 22, 2019

This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  Beggi Beggi, E No Good O     Who knew Yahaya Bello, governor of Kogi State, was so influential? He definitely yields some kind of power over the who’s who in Nigerian politics if a whole Madame […]

November 22, 2019

This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  Beggi Beggi, E No Good O     Who knew Yahaya Bello, governor of Kogi State, was so influential? He definitely yields some kind of power over the who’s who in Nigerian politics if a whole Madame […]

November 22, 2019

This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  Beggi Beggi, E No Good O  Who knew Yahaya Bello, governor of Kogi State, was so influential? He definitely yields some kind of power over the who’s who in Nigerian politics if a whole Madame First […]

October 28, 2019

Nobody knows, but it’s provocative. View this email in your browser 24- 10 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  WHY DID THE MINISTRY OF COMMUNICATIONS GET A FANCY NEW NAME?               […]

October 28, 2019

Here we go again. View this email in your browser 10- 10 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  1. WHERE ARE OUR GIRLS? Because we are living in a country so far down the toilet, it has […]

October 28, 2019

Plus, how to be a governor in 100 days. View this email in your browser 5- 9 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  1.NOBODY WINS WHEN THE FAMILY FEUDS.   In a cycle that comes around every […]

October 28, 2019

Let’s take a look at that list, part deux. View this email in your browser 1- 8 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT LIST, PART DEUX. Ever since President Buhari submitted […]

October 28, 2019

Plus, Abba Kyari: The Way, The Truth, And The Executive Life. View this email in your browser 22- 8 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  1. OF PORTFOLIOS AND MEN. Congratulations are in order for members of […]

October 28, 2019

When did ‘youth’ get a new meaning? View this email in your browser 25- 7 – 2019 This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.  LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT LIST. Not like we’re counting, but two months post-inauguration, three […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X