4 Nigerian Women Share Why They Regret Having Kids

January 5, 2021

After asking some Nigerian women to share why they do not want children, we asked some that do have children if they regret the decision. These four Nigerian women share why they regret having kids.

Abimbola, 44

Maybe regret might be a strong word because I absolutely adore my children, but since I turned forty, I had found myself asking a lot of “what ifs”. I got married when I was 23. By 25, I had my first child. 28, I had my second. 30, I had my third, and 32, I had my fourth. I spent over a decade of my life birthing and raising infants and toddlers. People say that the twenties are the best time of your life, but I spent mine changing diapers, birthing children, and breastfeeding.

My thirties weren’t any better. I had to deal with those small children, school runs, teething, all the other things. Now, I am in my forties and I am dealing with rebellious teenagers. I wonder if I will ever be free from being a mother, and just be an individual. I wish I had forged a career path, done more than go to the University in terms of my education. and just lived. All I really wish, is that I got the chance to live. If I never had any children, I would have probably been able to do more things for me.

Fadeke, 37

I have just one child, and she almost killed me. I got pregnant three years after marriage, at the age of 30. The entire period through the pregnancy up until the birth of my daughter was hell. My husband tried his best, but he could not take the pain away. Nobody could. I had gestational diabetes while pregnant with her. Now? I have type two diabetes. I wonder what my life would be like if I never had her. Being sick for the rest of my life is not something I envisioned for myself. Sometimes when I see my daughter, I feel a type of resentment towards her. I know it is not her fault, but I just get angry and cry. I feel like she stole something from me.

Hi there! While you are here do you want to take a minute to sign up for HER’S weekly newsletter? There’ll be inside gist from this series and other fun stuff. It’ll only take 15 seconds. Yes I timed it.

Elizabeth, 30

I had my son when I was 22 years old, as an undergraduate in a school in Nigeria. It was a one night stand, and I forgot to use morning after pills. A month after, I found out I was pregnant. Till now, his dad is nowhere to be found and I’m honestly not bothered. I love my child, but I often wish I didn’t have him. It’s been tough raising him alone with little help from my parents. I often have to split my income into two, with him getting the larger portion. I also haven’t been able to be in a successful relationship for a while now, as most men do not want to be associated with a single mom. Having children in my opinion isn’t really necessary. I can’t make plans without considering him and it’s tiring, exhausting, and painful. I’m at a point in my life where I’m not sure if I’d want to have more kids. Sometimes, I just want him out of my sight and very far away from me. I cry most times and I snap at my son a lot. I often regret doing it, but I can’t help it.

Chidera, 32

When I got married, all the women in my family spoke about how children are a blessing and I thought so too. What they don’t tell you is how children rob you of your dreams. I did not even realise until my seven-year-old asked me what I wanted to be, and then it dawned on me that I was not even close to achieving that dream. When I was in my 20s, I wanted to be an Economics professor. I never got to do my Masters because I became pregnant, then I had to wait for two years to reapply because of breast feeding and nursing. By the time she started school, I got pregnant again. I love my children, but I realised I sacrificed everything for them and that made me resent them just a little bit. I keep wondering what life would have been like without them, and that life sounds more like the dream I had when I was younger. Talking to my husband about it was useless because he could not understand it. He did not have to drop everything in his life to raise children. I did, and I really wish I didn’t.

For more women’s centered stories, please click here


Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Itohan Esekheigbe

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

March 24, 2021

As told to Mariam Last week, in a conversation about HER stories, Femi told me he knew someone who had done a breast reduction surgery. My curiosity piqued so I collected her contact details and reached out. Here’s what she told me: I have always had big breasts, and I have always hated them. I […]

May 13, 2020

Toxic relationships are one of the nightmares of adulting. They are bad for your health all around, but sometimes it’s not easy recognizing that you are actually in one. Because we are like your internet guardian angels, giving you all the guides you need to navigate this adulting thing we decided to make this list […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

More from Her

black girl leaning on the wall with curly hair
September 21, 2021

“Everyone from his fraternity ran away except him, and that was how he went down. He died on school grounds. Omo, I wasn’t myself for days. That was when I realized everything everyone said was true.”

8 Nigerian Women Talk About Their Experience With Cultists

Read here:

black woman with afro smiling
September 20, 2021

Hair lice are tiny, wingless insects that live in the hair of humans. They feed on tiny amounts of blood they get from the scalp. They spread easily from comb to comb. It is especially rampant among kids.  It’s not easy to get rid of hair lice but here are a few tips that have […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X