4 Nigerian Women Talk About Being Non-monogamous Relationships

July 10, 2021

A non monogamous relationship is any kind of relationship involves more than two people being involved sexually or emotionally. It includes but is not limited to polyamorous relationships, open relationships and swinging

In this article, four Nigerian women share their experiences being in non monogamous relationships. 

Bimbo, 22

I am currently in an open relationship and it’s by far one of the best relationships I’ve ever been in. My partner and I opened the relationship for compromise and convenience sake. My man has a much higher sex drive than I do — he likes to have marathon sex and try out new styles. Meanwhile if it’s not missionary or, more recently, cowgirl, I’m out.

Before we opened the relationship, I was always too busy so we agreed on that as an alternative. It’s like outsourcing sex. I also feel like we are too young to be monogamous. When do we get to catch all the fun?

We have rules. We’re big on protection, especially with other people. We tell each other about who we are with and we don’t hide escapades. We avoid doing anything with each other’s friends and whoever we are with must know that we are in a committed relationship. 

I don’t keep a lot of side cocks. I have sampled a few but my man is still number one. A fantastic number of nigerian men are selfish with orgasms. 

So far, the relationship has been good. It reduces the feelings of jealousy or insecurity and the biggest advantage is realizing our relationship is not built on sex but on the love, dreams and friendship we share.

Sloane, 26

I have been non monogamous all my life. A relationship with myself is prioritized and others who want to share love with me can experience that with me. My relationships are not exclusive with just one person but it also doesn’t always translate to seeing multiple people at the same time. I am just able to date anyone I want to be with without guilt or judgement.

For me, there’s no center piece, we are all side pieces engaging in a relationship. It’s freedom from a sense of ownership that monogamy seems to imply. 

Sade, 23

I have been in monogamous relationships all my life. Last year, I tried getting into a non monogamous one and it didn’t go well. She wanted to be with me and other guys at the same time. I got jealous plus she wasn’t using condoms with the guys. That was a deal breaker for me. She was also insensitive in some situations. One time, she left me at a bar to go clubbing with some girls. So yea, I am fine with monogamy.

Ophelia, 25

The first time I dated a girl, we were in a non monogamous relationship. She had a boyfriend while I was free to see anyone else. It didn’t work because we weren’t honest with each other. There was a lot of jealousy and a lot of fights as a result. The second time I tried nonmonogamy, my partner and I decided to open our relationship. Although this time we were more honest with each other, it was still hard for me because I get jealous easily. We eventually closed the relationship and broke up shortly after. I like the idea of non monogamy but I know that before I try it again, I have a lot of emotional growth to do. 

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Mariam Sule

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