6 Older Nigerian Mothers On What They Would Do Differently As New Mothers

June 3, 2021

We asked six Nigerian women what they would do differently if they had the chance to become mothers again. Here’s what they had to say:

1. Dupe, 60

122,126 Mature Black Woman Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images

I would learn each of my children’s love language and correct them in a better way than I did.

2. Valentina, 48

62,393 BEST Mature Black Woman IMAGES, STOCK PHOTOS & VECTORS | Adobe Stock

If I had the opportunity to start afresh, I would discipline my children more and enforce more rules on them. Simple things such as making them do things immediately I ask them to would go a long way in making sure that they turn out to be more disciplined adults than they are right now. The way they are now, it’s obvious that I was too soft on them, and that I was too protective. I would definitely let them face more hardship than they did growing up. I’d let them go out on their own earlier and face more challenges than they did. They grew up too sheltered.

3. Patience, 56

Pin on health

First of all, I would go abroad to finish my master’s before I have children. Then, I would use my first salaries to build my own house so I can have a more settled life. I would basically invest more in my finances so that when I finally have children, I’ll be able to provide more for them. I didn’t invest enough in myself when I was younger, and I went ahead to have children, forgetting that I have 8 siblings, and black tax means that I’d spread my earnings across my own family and my extended family. If I made better financial decisions, I would have been able to provide for my children better.

4. Toun, 56

Care for Your Mind | Smokefree Women

There’s lot of things I would do differently if I had the chance to start parenting afresh.

First of all, I would marry a different husband that would join me in raising godly children early enough, and not one that counteracts my upright upbringing with subtle criticisms and displays that a laissez-faire life is superior.

Then, I would honour my children more by protecting them from an overdose of respect and service to domineering inlaws who claim some kind of lordship over them. I would no longer be stupid to allow the traditional culture of “we must train them together” to affect my parenting. In my experience, these people shielded their children, while “training” my own. I was too stupid, looking on and letting uncles and aunties turn my children to errand boys and girls, letting my children sleep on the cold floor while they took over their beds, and allowing them to eat the best part of the meals, all in the name of family, love, warmth, and hospitality. These people lived with me. I sent them to school.

When it was their turn to receive me, they treated me like trash. I couldn’t even send any of their children to get me a glass of water. It made me feel stupid because I could have lived a nice, simple life with my children and they would have enjoyed me better, but I decided to be Mother Christmas and spend all my time and energy on people who didn’t do the same for me.

Then lastly, I would spend more time with my children. I would play with them. Now that they are grown, I really miss them. There was a saying that was popular when I was growing up “Ọmọ tó bá da ni ti bàbá ẹ, ọmọ burúkú, màmá ẹ ló fà” (When a child turns out good, he’s his father’s child, but when he turns out bad, it’s the mother’s fault). I raised my children with anxiety because I didn’t want to be the reason they didn’t turn out well. So I was very strict. It didn’t help that my husband was nonchalant in parenting, so I had to take up training and discipline both as a mother and a father.

5. Loveth, 54

121,835 Middle Aged Black Woman Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images

I have three children, and parenting is very difficult. If I was to do parenting all over, I’d marry a very rich husband so that we can hire plenty maids and helps to do the parenting while I spend all my time traveling and touring the world.

6. Alo, 59

158 African Descent Mature Women Only Women Afro Caribbean Ethnicity Stock  Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would focus better on my health and deal with my health challenges more hands-on, instead of casually thinking my family members and doctors had the best interests for me. I didn’t do any research, I just went with whatever whoever told me and it led to more complications. That affected the way I brought up my children.

David Odunlami

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Working from home
June 4, 2021

Working from home is now a norm in Nigeria, thanks or no thanks to the pandemic. However, as smoothly as you imagine it, it comes with its own set of challenges. In this article, I asked five Nigerian women to share their experiences working from home. Here’s what they said:  Ife I am like the […]

January 5, 2021

After asking some Nigerian women to share why they do not want children, we asked some that do have children if they regret the decision. These four Nigerian women share why they regret having kids. Abimbola, 44 Maybe regret might be a strong word because I absolutely adore my children, but since I turned forty, […]


Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

More from Her

black girl leaning on the wall with curly hair
September 21, 2021

“Everyone from his fraternity ran away except him, and that was how he went down. He died on school grounds. Omo, I wasn’t myself for days. That was when I realized everything everyone said was true.”

8 Nigerian Women Talk About Their Experience With Cultists

Read here:

black woman with afro smiling
September 20, 2021

Hair lice are tiny, wingless insects that live in the hair of humans. They feed on tiny amounts of blood they get from the scalp. They spread easily from comb to comb. It is especially rampant among kids.  It’s not easy to get rid of hair lice but here are a few tips that have […]


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.