7 Nigerian Women On How Their Parents Found Out They Are Sexually Active

March 17, 2021

Imagine your parents finding out you are having sex. How would they react? I asked 7 Nigerian women about how their parents found out they were sexually active. Here’s what they had to say.

Lexi, 22

I was 19. I came home from university for holiday. One morning, I was preparing to head to the place I was interning at when my mom offered to drive me. In the car, she said, “When did you start having sex? I saw your messages.” My heart dropped to my stomach because I could not deny it, and I couldn’t confront the breach of privacy. 

I owned up to it but she still forced me to tell my father and he reacted irrationally. They made me break up with my lover. Both of them refused to look me in the eye for the rest of my holiday. Eventually, they moved on and we’re on good terms now.

Grace, 24

I was 18. My mum was snooping in my stuff at 3 a.m. when she found a negative pregnancy test in my bag. She woke me up and held it in my face until my half-asleep brain realized what was happening. LMAO. 

I just started apologizing. She was quiet, so I went back to bed. The next morning, she was still obviously upset but we talked about it and she offered to get me birth control because I was careless if I was taking pregnancy tests. We’ve never talked about it since then. 

sexually active

Carol, 23 

My parents found out that I was sexually active when I was 17. I came home for a short Easter break from school. I was a bit weak but it wasn’t anything serious. My parents took me to the hospital for tests. I assumed it was a routine check-up. 

A week later, I was ready to go back to school after the break. On the ride to the park, my mum brought out the test result. She presented it to me and asked if I have been having sex. Before I could even respond, she said, “Don’t even bother lying. The only way you can have this infection is through sex.” I had to say yes. 

My father was disappointed. His problem was that my husband will not marry me as a virgin. My mum kept asking why I didn’t wait till I was 18. She even asked if I was raped. I told her it was consensual. My father called me loose. He asked me how many guys I had slept with. He thought it was after I left his house for university. Meanwhile, it was right after secondary school. It was the longest car ride of my life. They stopped letting me go out. It was a traumatizing experience. I never got their trust back, and I’ve stopped trying.

Jumoke, 25

I was 21, fresh out of law school when I got pregnant. I didn’t know what to do so I told my mother. She was like, “Ehen, so you are having sex and you are not even having safe sex.” She asked me what I was going to do and I said I wanted to keep it. She laughed and said, “You can’t be serious”. She gave me some pills shortly after. It was either I took them or left the house. I took them, and that was it. A part of me resents her for making me choose but I’m also grateful because bringing a child into my life would have been the worst mistake I ever made, especially now I know I don’t want to have kids.

Bimbo, 24

One morning when I was 20, I had this weird stomach ache — I had never had anything like it before. I tried to manage for a bit but it wasn’t subsiding so I crawled to my mum’s room. I told her about the stomach ache amidst groans. She felt my stomach, trying to gauge where the pain was coming from. When she found the spot, she said, “This type of pain only happens on your period or if you’re having sex.” She asked if I was on my period and I said no, then she said, ”You have started having fun abi?” LMAO. 

I paused and she said, “When I’m coming home today, I’ll buy you a pregnancy kit. It’s not me you will embarrass.”

Tiaraoluwa, 23

My mom found out I was sexually active when I got pregnant at 18. I had fainted at the market and told her when I returned home. She started paying more attention to me. When I was about to go back to school, she forced me to take a pregnancy test and it was positive.

I knew I was pregnant, and I had tried aborting it with some pills. My mother took me to a clinic for a scan. There, they discovered the drugs I took had stopped the foetus from growing and it was barely breathing. She was mad that I couldn’t tell her I was pregnant and I didn’t trust her enough to tell her. I was five months gone when she found out. We are still not over it. 

Folake, 18

I had sex with this guy when I was 16 and the bastard forgot to tell me he spilt his seed in me. When I found out, I panicked and bought the morning after pill. I left the pack in my wardrobe and my little sister found it. She went to show my mom. At first, I denied it — I said one of my friends used it for her painful cramps. The lie was going smoothly till my dad came back. He read my chat with my friend and omo, I chopped beating. Life became miserable — they seized my phone for five months. The most annoying part was that I still got my period that day. 

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