Moving on from a relationship can be a treacherous thing. One minute you read a tweet that absolutely resonates with you and you think you’re handling it ok. And then the next minute you remember a detail about your ex and the waterworks come pouring down. If it’s an end you weren’t ready for you will find yourself hurting a lot. Some people say closure makes it easier, others say it’s not a factor. We asked 5 Nigerian women how they dealt with not getting closure from relationships and here’s what they told us;
1. Nneka, 22 – It’s hard.
It’s hard. You’ll probably go back. Be fuck buddies and stuff, depending on how intimate you guys were. Then you’ll hate yourself, then hate him, then stop talking to each other. Usually, after you guys have actually moved on and moved past all the nastiness you’d be able to talk and actually come to terms with what went wrong. And maybe even forgive each other but this could be different for anybody.
2. Ivy, 23 – When a relationship ends I don’t go searching for closure because I don’t think I need it.
When a relationship ends I don’t go searching for closure because I don’t think I need it. What I need is to just move on. Because waiting for closure is like waiting for permission to move on. People say closure is the grand explanation for why things happened the way they did. Or why the person hurt you, or whatever. Personally I don’t care. What if they explain and it still does not make any sense? What if they can’t even explain it themselves because they were just wilding with your heart for fun?
3. Nike- 24, Even if I had found closure, I don’t think it will hurt less. I may just have dealt with the situation better.
I’ve ended two relationships without closure. But, I don’t think I knew what finding closure was then. Not until recently. Although I did the breaking up, it was because I was hurt and I may have actually felt better on time if my partners had explained why they did what they did. How did I deal with it? Uhm, I actually jumped into new relationships. Rebound ish. Just to make me feel alive again and wanted fa. Well, rebound 1 ended in tears. Rebound 2 would have, but surprisingly, it’s still going on. Should I have jumped on another wagon when I did? Nah, stupid decision. Do I regret it? Sometimes. But I learned my lessons. Even if I had found closure, I don’t think it will hurt less. I may just have dealt with the situation better.
4. Nsikak- Do I want closure? No. Because I know I would hurt myself looking for answers.
We just stopped talking. The relationship had always been riddled with way too many ups and downs though. The last conversation we had, no issues we were just flowing normally. I just decided to stop talking to him. Like, stop my own effort. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t contact me either. I just decided out of the blue that he didn’t love me, and never would, and I was tired of putting in efforts. So I broke up with him in my mind. Honestly, I didn’t need to say it out. I already said it out countless times and I still went back to him. I just told myself I had had enough and I should stop hurting myself. And that was it. I don’t regret it. I would not take him back if he comes to me. I’m just done. I really don’t want to hurt my self again. Do I what closure No Cause I know I would hurt myself looking for answers.
5. Vanessa 25- I wanted closure, but he didn’t.
I wanted closure though because I thought that if we revisited the reason why we didn’t work out, we may find a reason to try and work things out. But he didn’t. How did I cope with it? Spent most of the time imagining he came back begging but I turned him down. Did it so much, that I got used to the feeling of wanting to turn him down if he ever came back and got over the feeling of him leaving.
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