What She Said: I Have A Type And It’s Internet Scammers

June 24, 2020

What qualities do you seek in a romantic partner? Good looks, loyalty, openness? And what qualities do you absolutely detest? Lies, dishonesty, disrespect? For the woman in this week’s ‘What She Said’, lies are her biggest relationship deal-breaker. Which is why she can’t seem to understand why she has only dated the biggest liars of all – internet scammers. 

Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here. This is Zikoko’s What She Said.


We’ve barely started the interview and your dating life already seems…well interesting. 

Just say that it’s upside down with your chest, me too I agree. It’s funny how I’m talking to you about this instead of going to look for a pastor to help me do deliverance. Because at this point it’s beyond me. My village people are clearly following me. The women in my family kuku don’t know how to pick sensible men and that includes my mother when she picked my father. So I guess this is my cross to bear for life. 

What happened with your father?

He just woke up one day when I was I think six or seven and followed another woman. No warning at all, he just packed his bags and left the house. We were staying in a house that belonged to my mum’s family, I’m guessing that’s the only reason he didn’t send us packing. The next time I heard from him I was 20, the woman he followed had left him. He said she jazzed him and the scales had fallen from his eyes. My mum told him she would rather die than let him back into her house and I agreed with her. I don’t think about him, I don’t know how he’s doing or where he is in life. He’s dead to me, but every time I remember that he exists I just start laughing. Like how can someone be so useless in life? 

Are you talking about just you and your mum when you said women in the family?

No o. Her younger sister has four children and three baby daddies and is currently not living with any of them. One of her older sisters is living with her second husband but she might as well be a widow because he’s completely useless. In fact, he’s even a liability because she’s the one fending for the whole family including the useless man. 

And what’s your story?

Where do I even want to start with this thing? I’m 27 years old, and it was this year I realised that I have a type and it is internet scammers. It’s funny because if you ask me what my deal breakers are in a relationship I’ll tell you cheating and lying but somehow I keep finding myself dating the biggest liars of all – yahoo boys. 

How did it start?

You might not believe me, I’m not even sure I believe myself but I wasn’t targeting them. I had my first boyfriend at 19, he was 31 and all I knew was that he was very successful. He was one of those rags to riches stories in our neighbourhood and everyone knew him. But we just knew him as a successful businessman. Funny enough his name was Tunji* Plus. But I thought it was because he had many BDCs. Now if I see anybody with plus or wire in their name, I know that their ways are not pure. 

When did you realise he was a fraudster? 

Not in the relationship funny enough, I think I was already even out of my second relationship when someone randomly came to gist me that EFCC had carried Tunji* Plus. I was still asking ‘what happened?’ ‘What did he do?’. The person kept giving me this ‘who are you forming for look?’. Like you didn’t know he was a yahoo boy when you were dating him but I actually didn’t. 

What about your second relationship? 

I was 22. I can’t remember how we met but I think it was in school. He wasn’t even going to my school but he used to come around a lot. I first started suspecting when I met his friends. They weren’t like him at all he was very quiet and didn’t talk much. But they were very loud, they used to wear Gucci this and Louis Vuitton that. We would go clubbing Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And in each club, they would legit drop millions of naira. They were the type of yahoo boys that had it written on their faces. They were even proud of it, they didn’t hide it. They will be talking about how one client has clicked in front of me. Once you hear client just know it’s someone they want to maga. 

Did you ever ask him what he did for a living?

I never asked him directly if he was a yahoo boy but he never said he was. When I asked him what he did for a living he said he was into real estate. He also used to manage some artistes. 

How did the relationship end?

He dumped me o, for one mixed-race girl like this. The day I even saw the girl I couldn’t vex too much because she looked like Beyonce. Funny thing is I really liked him. He was very sweet and very generous. You know that ‘I want it I got it’ Tik Tok video, that’s how it was with him. Before I say I want… he would have already bought the thing I was thinking about. I still have some of the designer bags and clothes he bought for me. 

Who came next?

Bentley came next. Everyone called him Bentley because he used to say when he blows he would buy a Bentley. I’m still not sure if he was a yahoo boy or just one by association. Bentley’s elder brother was a confirmed yahoo boy this was something everyone knew, he was on the streets completely. But Bentley himself I’m still not sure, he was wearing the designer things and driving a Benz but I don’t know if he was just borrow posing with his brother’s things or if he was also doing wire. It wasn’t a serious relationship at all, he just wore me down with enjoyment. He was chasing me for a while and he bought me plenty of things. Once I said yes the relationship did not last three months. We just drifted apart. 

It doesn’t seem like the fact that they were criminals influenced any of your breakups.

I have two mouths I can’t lie. I think the way that I reasoned it in my head was that even though they were lying to all these other people and defrauding them, they weren’t doing the same thing to me. And I can’t lie I just saw yahoo as one of those things young boys do. It was just like a business venture. Some people blew and some didn’t. It wasn’t a crime, it wasn’t harmful. 

And now? 

I’m not even dating anybody. I’m taking a break to be a baby girl. I also know better I’m not as young or foolish. Anyone doing yahoo yahoo is a bastard and deserves to die in jail. They are evil. It’s when people around me started suffering at their hands that I really understood it. 

Think history could ever repeat itself?

Never my antenna for yahoo boys is now very sharp. I’ve also dropped a lot of people from my old circle of friends. I can’t lie the people around me also influenced the type of people I was dating. A lot of them were dating yahoo boys or married men. Just somehow people. 

*name changed

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

March 24, 2021

As told to Mariam Last week, in a conversation about HER stories, Femi told me he knew someone who had done a breast reduction surgery. My curiosity piqued so I collected her contact details and reached out. Here’s what she told me: I have always had big breasts, and I have always hated them. I […]

February 1, 2021

With all the hormones flying about during pregnancy, it is no surprise that pregnant women end up doing some very funny things. So, we asked people to share the funniest experiences they have had pregnant, and those they have witnessed. Odion, 56 One day while I was pregnant I had this sudden urge to lick […]

workplace horror stories
April 9, 2021

Working in Nigeria is the ghetto. No shade to my boss. Last week, I asked Nigerian women to tell me the worst things they have experienced working in Nigeria. Here’s what eight of them had to say.  Jumoke, 25  My former boss used to gaslight me, to the extent that I began to doubt my […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

September 16, 2021

International advocacy organization, Global Citizen, has revealed the local hosts TV personalities Ebuka Obi-Uchendu and Nancy Isime for the Global Citizen Live event in Lagos, Nigeria. Pan-African broadcast partners are AIM Group, MultiChoice and The SABC. Performances from Lagos will be given by Tiwa Savage, Davido, Femi Kuti and Made Kuti, among others. Burna Boy […]

Recommended Quizzes

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

More from Her

woman lying down on bed
September 15, 2021

“He said a lot of things. He cried too. This continued till 5 am. Eventually, I gave in because I wanted to sleep. He is currently a gospel musician in Kaduna.”

11 Nigerian Women Talk About Being Coerced

Read here:

female footballer holding net
September 14, 2021

“In 2019, my mum sent me to Owerri to be a live-in nanny for one woman so I could make money for the family.”

In this article, Stella talks about wanting to be a footballer as a child but not having the resources or the support needed to do so.

Read here:

black woman in a bodysuit
September 8, 2021

Bodysuits have been in style for a couple of years now. Every woman needs at least one bodysuit in their wardrobe, even if it’s just for vibes.

Here are a few reasons women love bodysuits:

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X