7 Ghetto Birthday Practices That Need To Be Abolished ASAP

June 7, 2020

It’s your birthday, we understand. But please and please and please, you need to stop these things.

1. “In massive addy.”

This is wrong on multiple counts and I’ll tell you. First of all, “addy” does not mean advance. It means address. So each time you type “In massive addy”, what you are saying is “In massive address.” Now tell me, does that make any sense to you?

2. “8 days to your day.”

Girl, stop it. June 39th is your birthday, and we know it. We have a calendar to remind us, so please resist the urge to turn yourself into a detonating time bomb. If you keep doing the countdown, we might vex and mute you. And then what happens? Your birthday will come and go and we will not greet you, because you have by your own hand chased away your well-wishers.

3. Status updates that look like waist beads.

26 too-real things every Ethiopian can definitely relate to

It’s your birthday, we get it, but that is not an excuse to post your entire gallery. Abeg na. Just post your birthday photoshoot and go. We promise you we will not vex.

4. Reposting people’s wishes on your status.

Think about it: someone will post your picture with a long epistle. You will screenshot this post and then post it on your status with”Thanks b.” The person whose post you screenshotted (if that’s correct) will now screenshot your screenshot and post it on his/her status. Be honest, do you think God is happy with you?

5. Writing the first and second book of Chronicles on your status to greet somebody that your WhatsApp contacts don’t even know.

Yes, they are your back bone, the pillar of support that holds your life, the owner of the money on your head. But we don’t know them and frankly, we don’t care. How about sending them a DM with your Songs of Solomon? Please let us rest.

6. Birthday greetings that should be consumed by fire.

What on earth is “Happy Natal Day”? “Happy Womb Escape”? “Happy EarthStrong Day”? You know the craziest I ever saw? “Happy Abortion Escape Day.” Omo.

7. STOP POURING DIRTY WATER ON PEOPLE.

Yup, scream it louder for people at the back. That behaviour must perish this year.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

January 26, 2022

Black don’t crack, black don’t crack but they won’t tell you all the things they do a maintain that gorgeousness. Because we are so generous so we compiled a list of health care tips for 30+ women.

Recommended Quizzes

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X