After “Detty December” comes “E choke” January, but that will not be your portion. If you follow these six tips religiously, “insufficient funds” will have nothing on you.
Pro tip: Number two always works.
1. Break up with your partner
You guys can make-up later, but you have to remain focused on securing the bag. Break up now, love won’t feed you.
2. Take Buju’s advice
Don’t go outside ooo. There’s debit alert everywhere. You never know where you’ll enter and your account will suddenly become minus 100k. Take heart ehn; it’s only a while. The outside is not running away.
3. Befriend your boss
Who else has the future of your account balance in their hands if not your boss? Start dusting their shoes and washing the plates they use for lunch at the office. If you don’t see your salary in January, at least you know who to fight (not us, plis).
4. Start planting what you’ll eat in January
Why spend money on food when you can harvest? See, carry hoe and watering can and transform that barren backyard of yours into a food court.
5. Stock up on vibes and Insha’Allah
For every event, hangout or fun memory you make, keep a portion of the vibes aside for rainy days in January. It’s just thirty days, insha’Allah, you will survive.
6. Fast and pray
If people ask how come you are beginning to look thin and poor in January, tell them you are observing a special prayer and fasting period for supernatural blessings. Kabaya!
7. Lock your funds till mid January
Then throw away the key and forget you have anything called money somewhere. Your January self will thank you.