There were certain lies Nollywood told us about life growing up that made us real disappointed when we grew up. They didn’t exactly say that these things would happen of course but isn’t art supposed to imitate life? Where was the inspiration coming from? Why did they become tropes? Read on to find out the 8 detty lies Nollywood told us.
1. You can be offered money to break up with people’s kids
This one hurts the most because we could have gone through this life without any expectations but Nollywood just had to lie. One day you wake up and you’re 25 and nobody has offered you millions of naira to leave their son alone. Nobody has given you a visa to leave this country or bought you a house in another state with a six-figure job. Turns out that no one likes their kids that much.
2. Unilag babes will pass their sugar daddies to you
In this economy that everyone is struggling to find one sugar daddy, nobody will randomly offer you theirs, know this and know peace. If you can’t find one on your own, all the best to you.
3. People will offer you drugs as if it’s Vitamin C
Nollywood movies made it seem like people would walk up to you unprovoked to offer you drugs. Like sardine and plantain, everything is expensive now. Your friends won’t casually offer you brownies when they buy them anymore. It might happen once but if you say no, no one will keep offering it to you. What do we know sha, we don’t do such things.
4. Your friends will be a bad influence
Every young person who got into university eventually joined bad gang. No self-awareness at all, because what if you are more likely to influence other people’s kids badly?
5. Evil people eventually get punished
Karma is not real. The sooner more people realise this, the easier it’ll be to get over it. People do bad things all the time and get away with it, especially in Nigeria where the people who have been put in positions of power to keep people accountable commit the most offences. Nobody is going to run mad because they were evil.
6. Every old person is wise
It turns out that having white hair and managing to live past forty doesn’t mean that common sense will find you. Old people do and say some of the stupidest shit all the time. It’s not by speaking in proverbs all the time. “Mumu dey follow person reach old age”.
7. All stepmothers are wicked
Why didn’t the Stepmothers Association of Nigeria never organize a protest? In those days, once a storyline involved a stepmother, 99% of the time, you knew she was going to be wicked. But in real life, people grew up with their biological mothers and were still traumatised; people also grew up with the best stepmothers. Na wa.
8. Once you leave the village and go to Lagos, you will “make it”
Nollywood had village losers travelling from their villages to Lagos hoping that they would make it and coming back millionaires in 2 years. Omo, if you come to Lagos now, all you’ll get is a huge dent in your bank account and plenty of heartbreak.