8 Places To Shake Your Ass Now That Dubai Has Casted

June 29, 2021

Bad news: Dubai has suspended Direct Employment Visa for Nigerians.

For emphasis, in case you did not see it the first time: The United Arab Emirates has reportedly suspended Direct Employment Visa for Nigerians. Why? Because of the increasing crime rates involving Nigerians in the Middle-East country.

Ah!

In other words, if you have suffered for 19 years and you had plans to shake your ass in a thong on a yacht in Dubai, you might want to reconsider so that you will not enter Dubai and land in jail. You that it’s ordinary bum-bum you had plans to shake.

Anyway, we made a list of other places you can shake your ass, now that Dubai has casted.

1. Lekki Phase 1 when the flood comes.

Imagine climbing on top of that signpost and shaking your ass like you are competing in the Twerk Olympics. C’mon, Megan Thee Stallion from Admiralty way. You go, girl!

2. Tarkwa Bay.

Tarkwa Bay Surfers Displaced After Nigerian Navy Demolished Their Homes -  SURFER Magazine

Who needs a yacht when you can climb a speedboat and shoot out your bum-bum? If the desirable is not available, you make the available desirable. Aspire to papapa.

3. Eko Atlantic.

It’s kuku greed that is worrying you, honestly. Because why do you want to go to Dubai when you can enter Eko Atlantic? You sef, pronounce the name: EKO ATLANTIC. Omo, the way my bum-bum jiggles of its own accord whenever it hears that name!

4. Bar Beach.

If it’s not for civilization and oversabi, did we not all grow up shaking our asses in Bar Beach? Now that Dubai has suspended Direct Employment Visa for Nigerians, it might be time to return to our roots. This time, you don’t need a yacht. Just climb a horse and when it begins to gallop chukwudi-chukwudi-chukwudi, I am sure your bum-bum will not sit down and look. It will follow it to jiggle.

5. Oniru Beach.

It’s a private beach. You know what that means? YOU CAN EVEN BE NAKED AND NOBODY WILL CATCH YOU!

6. Abuja.

Jabi Boat Club | Visit Nigeria Now

Why go to Dubai when you can do your business at Jabi Boat Club in Abuja? First of all, you might be lucky and your jiggly derriere might attract a politician. Or a sugar daddy can be caught in the strap of your thong. Even better, you might get cocaine and oud as a souvenir.

7. Ikeja along.

Ikeja | Ikeja Along Bus Stop, Ikeja Lagos State Nigeria | Ju… | Flickr

Let it not be that we are recommending only areas with water for you. There is also Ikeja Along, if you prefer to shake your ass on dry land. A major benefit of this is that you cannot piss a mermaid off or drown by mistake.

8. Or maybe Ghana, since you are not satisfied with the country God put you in.

Just know that if Lai Mohammed hears that you, a bonafide citizen of the UAR, is shaking your God-given UAR ass in Ghana where Twitter is, you are in soup. And walahi talahi, Abike Dabiri-Erewa will look at you and comot eye. That’s the beginning of renewed suffering. Happy ass-shaking.

Also read:

9 Reasons Why Nigerian Men Must Never Wash Their Bum-Bum

9 Reasons Why Nigerian Men Must Never Wash Their Bum-Bum | Zikoko!
Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

October 11, 2020

Earlier this afternoon, the Nigeria Police Force tweeted that SARS has been dissolved. In 5 points, the Public Relations Officer of the Nigerian Police Force, Frank Mba, stated that SARS has been dissolved in the 36 state commands with immediate effect and that all men serving in the Unit will be redeployed to other Police […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

More from Inside Life

September 13, 2021

Occasionally, a television commercial that resonates with our essence hits the airwaves. In that instant, we almost always see a mirror image of ourselves in a few, well-assembled montages. This is the magic of effective communication. Goldberg’s all-new TVC was launched last weekend to herald the inaugural edition of the Goldberg Omoluabi Day. The word […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X