8 Reasons Why The Nigerian Government Must Ban Legwork

August 14, 2021

The Nigerian government has banned okada, keke maruwa, cryptocurrency and Twitter — everything except the actual thing they should ban: LEGWORK. Before you say anything, hear us out. We have weighed the pros and cons of the legwork dance and in this article, we present to you eight solid reasons why the Nigerian government should actually ban legwork.

1. First of all, it is a death sentence to 30+ people.

Legwork is a dance of Gen Z and people with excess energy to waste. 30+ ought to avoid this dance, but they don’t want to be left out and so they attempt it, only to end up with serious back pain or at an orthopaedic hospital, trying to correct broken bones. 30+ people make up a large part of the Nigerian population. Dear President Buhari, is it until your people kill themselves over legwork before you ban it?

2. It turns respectable citizens into hoodlums.

You go to a party and everywhere is calm and peaceful. The moment the DJ plays Aborintayin or Watimagbo, the whole event hall will scatter and you will see people becoming what you never imagined they would be. Even if Dangote hears Aborintayin, we are sure he will also become something else. We cannot risk this happening.

3. It is the last bus-stop before you graduate into full-blown madness.

Have you seen the face people make when they do legwork? The wide open mouth, the expression of agony, the tongue that dangles from the side of their mouth. If such person is left to do the legwork for one hour uninterrupted, this is how they will end up:

funke-akindele-rag-day | Zikoko!

4. It is the reason why many Nigerian youths don’t want to go into farming.

Nigerian youths are not lazy, they just choose to invest their energy on something else. Sadly, that ‘something else’ is legwork. If the government wants to trap them, let Buhari just declare that there will be an empowerment scheme where youths will be empowered with legwork. The registration website will crash in less than thirty minutes because of the amount of people rushing to sign up. If things continue like this, we will have a generation that is only interested in legwork. Ban this dance now.

5. It damages the surface of the earth and could lead to earthquake allowed to continues.

According to a study I made up on my own, legwork is the reason for the earthquakes the world has suffered in recent times. Nigeria may have escaped these earthquakes, but if we continue allowing people to stomp on the ground all in the name of legwork, then we are on the verge of our own destruction.

6. It is ableist.

In Killing Dem, Zlatan opened the mouth God gave him and said, “You are not Ayefele, so what’s your excuse [for not doing legwork]?” Imagine. Ayefele did not speak, but we have taken up his case and we will pursue this matter until the Nigerian government bans legwork.

7. Everyday, there are new variants of it.

People are yet to understand the basic one, and they are already complicating it by bringing out new versions that are even more complicated and difficult. This is a clear sign that they want to confine legwork to a specific group of people. For this reason, we move the motion for a ban.

8. And if the government refuses to consider these reasons, please ban it because of Liquorose.

Even if the DJ plays a song by Celine Dion, BBNaija Season 6 housemate Liqourose must do legwork. Dear Mr. President sir, if you won’t ban BBNaija because of all that we have said, please ban it so Liquorose can rest and we can all have collective peace.

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