8 Things You Can Say In Lagos Traffic And During Sex

September 1, 2020

Let it be known that I’m not proud of myself for thinking of this. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, here are few bedroom slangs we can all borrow from Lagos traffic:

1) “Do you know who I am?”

This is best used when your bedroom skills are in doubt. It’s sweeter when you can back it up with stats. Alternatively, you can scream this one second before you orgasm.

2) “What’s causing the delay?”

Use this one on a case by case basis.

3) “Please, I’m lost. I can’t find where I’m going.”

Men, this one is for you. A closed mouth is a closed destiny.

4) “I will show you madness today.”

If kinky is your hobby, this one is for you.

5) “Hit me first and you’ll see.”

If kinky is not your hobby, this one is for you.

6) “We will sleep here today.”

Duh.

7) “Sanwo-olu!”

As a Lagosian living in Lagos, you have the right to shout this across a range of scenarios.

8) “Bottled water-Lacasera-Gala.”

Save this one for dirty talk.

Hassan Yahaya

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

More from Inside Life

September 13, 2021

Occasionally, a television commercial that resonates with our essence hits the airwaves. In that instant, we almost always see a mirror image of ourselves in a few, well-assembled montages. This is the magic of effective communication. Goldberg’s all-new TVC was launched last weekend to herald the inaugural edition of the Goldberg Omoluabi Day. The word […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X