You’ve probably considered getting piercings at some point in your life but the holy fear of getting judged by your Nigerian parents has reset your brain. You don’t want to be a “nincompoop”.
Hey, get those piercings. We’ll show you how to survive.
1. Wear a hoodie every time:
Hoodies have to become your thing, especially when you are around your parents. To spice things up, you can have your tailor make hoodies with your native materials. That way, you’re protecting yourself, but your drip is intact. Scarves work too.
2. Bandage your entire face
This one works every time. Grab some bandage and wrap it around your entire face. If someone asks what happened just mumble through the bandage until they get tired of asking. If you use this trick and they still manage to find out, then you were never meant to have piercings.
3. Move out
Once you get tired of wearing hoodies and bandages everywhere, it’s time to move out of your parents’ house. Just gather all your money and go. That way, you’re out of their way and whenever they decide to visit, you take off all the piercings.
4. Block them
WhatsApp, Twitter, Facebook, everywhere you’ll post a picture, block them. If they don’t have pictorial proof, they can’t say you did it. You win.
5. Cup your ears every time
Every time you’re about to meet your parents, act like you’ve just heard a very loud sound and it keeps resounding.
Con: Your hand might begin to ache so you’ll have to bring it down, thereby revealing your shame.