In Conversation With I Beta Pass My Neighbour: “Why My Rope Cuts At Night”

May 29, 2020

Every Nigerian has a memory of their generator rope cutting at night. Either before a hot session of ashukulekeshowmeyourbackside, or just before it’s time to watch Mehek or King of hearts. Or, even just before a disappointing performance by your football club.

Many Nigerians have noticed that their generator rope only cuts at night. So, the Zikoko team decided to get to the bottom of the matter. To understand why this incident occurs only at a specific time of the day.

Zikoko: Well, hello there. Glad to have you.

I beta pass my neighbour: I am happy to be here. I usually don’t do this because mornings are not my most productive. I function better at night. If I stress myself in the morning, I have to take a break at night.

Really? I didn’t know that.

You see! People are multifaceted. I am Tiger in the sheets and “I beta pass my neighbour” on the streets. I also have feelings you know, and I am a different person depending on the situation.

Noted. What would you say are some of your biggest challenges?

Glad you asked that. It’s the disrespect. The utter lack of consideration of how I feel by people. Imagine someone turning me on from morning till night. Am I not someone’s child?

You know what?

That’s why I cut my rope at night. It’s my way of taking back power from them. When they think they have joy, I turn it to ashes in their mouth.

I did not kill mummy diesel gen, so, why are they trying to kill me?

Damn. I am so sorry. Do you sometimes regret it though?

Yes. I have regrets. But not for rope cutting. I don’t regret cutting my rope for people who had plans to fornicate overnight. I am only helping them prepare for the hot place they are going. Neither do I regret disappointing people that want to watch football. It’s not like their team is good anyway.

The only regret I have is that I initially came to this country to be of help. However, it seems I have given these people a reason not to hold their elected leaders accountable for power supply. Can you imagine?

My current owner turns me on for 16 hours non stop. Think of the trees man. Climate change is real. Greta Thunberg didn’t drop out of primary school for this shit.

That’s heavy. So, if you were President for one day, how would you solve this problem?

The problem has one solution – I will jaapa to Canada.

Wow. Any advice for Nigerians before you go?

Buy inverter. Free me.

You should read this next: Interview With Cooking Gas: “Why I Choose To Finish On Sundays”

Hassan Yahaya

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