Interview With Red Wine: “Why Are Nigerian Women Lying Against Me?”

April 16, 2021

Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.


For years, Red Wine has been the subject of many accusations by Nigerian women.

Today on Interview With, Red Wine sits with us to discuss how it feels about these accusations and tries to clear its name.

Zikoko: Thank you, Red Wine, for taking out time to have this conversation with us.

Red Wine: I’m just here to set the records straight.

You sound irritated. Is it the weather?

I am actually irritated. But the weather is not the major reason. I have been in Nigeria for quite some time, and I have learned to endure all the problems here, including bad power supply and bad weather. So the weather doesn’t move me.

Ehya. So the bad power supply affects you too…

It does.

I see.

I mean, you Nigerians don’t completely care. I have seen your people crack open a warm bottle of wine and drink it. I have seen them serve wine in tumblers instead of glass cups. In fact, I have seen Nigerians use kitchen bowls to drink wine. A good number of your people don’t care about elegance. They just want to drink and get it over with. 

Is this strange for you?

Very. I mean, I have lived a good life. From America to London to Paris, you mention it. I have appeared in movies, dinner tables, romantic settings, everything. Like, I have experienced luxury. 

But then I entered Nigeria and I saw shege. Right now, I am looking for an escape route. If I find it eh, hmm. You people better hold on to your palm wine and Four Cousins. Or maybe the Blood of Jesus sha.

Blood of Jesus?

Is it not red?

It is.

Do you people not share it at Holy Communion?

We do.

So what seems to be the problem?

Okay, wait. Is there a particular reason why Nigeria annoys you so much? 

[Red Wine pouts]

Is it something we have done? 

[Red Wine folds her hands and turns up her face]

Or are you scared that the Blood of Jesus will put you out of business?

The Blood of Jesus is for spiritual purposes. I take the carnal side. Let’s not get confused here.

Okay then, what exactly is the problem?

Nigerian women.

Now you are talking. What did Nigerian women do to you?

They are lying against me and I want them to stop.

Lying against you that what?

That I make them horny.

Ehen. You don’t mean it.

They even say that when this happens, they make wild decisions. 

Do you have proof of any of these accusations?

Are you a lawyer?

I am a Nigerian woman. 

And so?

If you are going to accuse us of lying against you, come with evidence.

I knew this day would come

That’s the evidence.

So, where is the lie?

Are you not ashamed of yourself? Lying against an innocent wine like me?

No. Red Wine, are you not ashamed of yourself? Denying your own handiwork?

How oh?

I know what you do to me when I take one sip of you.

Ha.

I know what you do to other women too.

I—

So to have you come here and start lying that you don’t touch us down there is a lie.

Madam—

In fact, there is research to back it up.

Will you let me talk?

Talk.

I’m not saying that I don’t make women feel something down there oh. What I am fighting for is that the lie is too much.

How is it too much?

You Nigerian women are horny already. My own is just additional. After all, women in other countries drink me and I touch them too. Do they go about tweeting memes like this?

Why must Nigerian women be different? I want you people to take responsibility for once!

We say to women, you can be horny but not too horny so

Please, please, please. You don’t even seem to care how this makes me feel. I attend events and people do not see me for who I am, instead I am seen as that red devil that causes commotion for women. Is that how you want people to remember me when I die?

We tell them

My words are not even entering your ears.

We teach women to shrink their horni

It’s enough oh. You people want to blame me, abi? Oya go ahead. Go ahead and refuse to take responsibility.

My head will judge. That’s what me I know sha. My head will judge.

[Red Wine carries her handbag and storms out]


Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.


RECOMMENDED:

Interview With Crayfish: “Igbo People Need To Release Me”

Itohan Esekheigbe

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 18, 2020

If you’re here wondering the secret to the appeal of Nigerian men, welcome: 1) Sweet mouth Nigerian men open a conversation with “you look familiar” and end with “I can’t live without you.” When Nigerian men give their sweetness attack, you defend. Or reset your defense. 2) Dress sense Ice on their neck. Ice on […]

September 18, 2020

There’s a lot of creepy behavior directed towards Nigerian women that have been annoyingly normalized. Most of them are often masked as jokes, so the perpetrators expect women to laugh over them. But perverted behavior is perverted behavior, and because we can only deal with one pandemic at a time, we will appreciate it if […]

December 25, 2020

Christmas is supposed to be one of the best times of the year. Well for these nine Nigerian women, Christmas is anything but a time of joy and cheer. They share with us why they hate Christmas. Linda, 20 We prepare food for 25 people at minimum, it’s like a tradition, and has always been […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

September 25, 2021

oraimo FreePods 3 Feature LeakFor a while now, oraimo has been cooking something awesome for her consumers, and it’s finally here. I guess it’s safe to say oraimo is like a fine wine that keeps getting better with time. When it comes to delivering a product that is not only affordable but also comes with […]

Recommended Quizzes

September 1, 2021

August is over, and here are some of our best quizzes from August. Enjoy: 1. QUIZ: Only Ajebutters Can Get 10/21 On This Quiz Some people like to form ajepako when they’re really ajebutter. Are you one of them? Let’s find out. 2. QUIZ: Sorry, If You’re Under 25 There’s No Way You Can Pass […]

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

More from Interview With...

September 10, 2021

How does the broom on the APC flag feel about being the number one broom in the Federal Republic of Nigeria? Today on Interview With, we sat with the APC Broom to discuss its grass to grace story.

July 23, 2021

A small trouble is brewing in the Small Chops Association: the other members no longer want Puff-puff to be a part of them. This is difficult, considering the large quantity of Puff-puff you find in a Small Chops package.

Today on Interview With, we spoke to the members of the Small Chops Association, including Puff-puff, to hear their take on this delicate matter.

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X