Here’s How We Imagine Church Services Will Go After Re-Opening

June 2, 2020

Let’s get one thing straight, nobody should be re-opening anything in Nigeria with the climbing coronavirus numbers. We can’t believe we have to say this, but here we are.

nigeria church re-opening

Starting in the first week of June, churches and mosques around Nigeria will be permitted to re-open their spaces for mass congregation. Now we know Nigerians are some bold troopers, but we will advise, very clearly so our conscience remains clear in this situation:

Nigeria church re-opening
…at home, where it’s safe

But should you decide that this Sunday everybody and their mother must see your matching ankara dress and mask ensemble, we have an idea of how your day is going to go:

When pastor is about to blow the holy spirit into the room and your face, but you remember how invasive that covid-19 test is:

nigeria church re-opening

If you can’t find a no-contact way to pass this spirit, let’s just move it till another date.

How pastors will struggle to think of another way to connect the congregation, because nobody will agree to hi-five their neighbour in these corona times

nigeria church re-opening

Maybe air first bumps? What to do, what to do.

Not wanting to touch the offering basket being passed around, but not wanting to seem like a dick by refusing to give it to your neighbour

nigeria church re-opening

Should have just sat my bum at home.

How you’ll go to the back of the church, safe and away from everyone to finally express the praise and worship that has been bubbling inside you since lockdown started

nigeria church re-opening

I mean, you’re crazy for Jesus, but let’s have sense here.

How you unlook when service ends and the assistant pastor starts encouraging members to visit the homes of those not in church to encourage them to come next week

nigeria church re-opening

Inside which pandemic?

Learning patience by force, because it’s not you and corona that will be struggling with everyone trying to leave church at the same time after service

nigeria church re-opening

Never have, never will.

Boyin Plumptre

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