Whether they like to admit it or not, Nigerians are out here having a ton of sex. And like most things that include them (especially Nigerian men), a lot of lying is involved. So, we decided to pick the top 11 lies you’ll hear if you climb into bed with a Nigerian.
1. “Just the tip, abeg”
There are a lot of lies that a desperate Nigerian man looking to bust a quick nut will tell, but the hilariously lame “Just the tip” certainly ranks high on the list of most embarrassing, especially because no one actually ever believes it.
2. “Your body is so soft”
This entire post could have easily been made up of lies Nigerian men tell when they come before their third thrust, and “Your body is so soft” is one of the many generic compliments created to distract women from the failure at hand.
3. “You’re just too sweet”
This one is a spin-off of “Your body is so soft”. Just like that lie, the goal here is to transfer blame. Please, don’t buy it. The sugar you supposedly sprinkled all over your body before getting into bed with him is not the reason you’re leaving horny and agitated.
4. “This has never happened to me before”
Another lie that comes out after a thoroughly underwhelming sexcapade, “This has never happened to me before” is the average Nigerian man’s last-ditch effort to score a second chance – a decision that will almost definitely end in another case of “had I known…”
5. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today”
Since we’ve already established that this is not the first time Mr. 2-Seconds-Everything-Don-Burst has left his partner deeply unsatisfied, then we already know not to buy this lie. (Spoiler alert: The same unknown thing that is wrong with him today will still be wrong tomorrow).
6. “I must have taken too much sugar”
Just like the devil, who is constantly blamed for every bad thing we do, sugary drinks have suffered under the hands of Nigerian men. Every other day, a bottle of Coke, that is just casually chilling in a fridge somewhere, is getting blamed for one oga’s poor performance.
7. “I don’t have a condom”
It’s a lie oh. He’s just hoping that you’ll be horny enough to risk a light pregnancy and a few drops of STD. If you check, the guy probably has a whole carton of condoms in his wardrobe, but, as a typical Nigerian man, he’s looking for whose life he can scatter small.
8. “I’ve never done this before”
We blame slut-shaming for this lie even needing to exist. Sis, we know you’ve done “this” before, and you enjoyed the hell out of it. Don’t let any man make you feel somehow, abeg. Him sef, he has done “this” before, that’s why he’s trying to do it again.
Many Nigerian men are walking around thinking they are sex gods because of this lie. Even when his stroke game is ticklish at best, some women have decided that fake moaning is the most ideal solution. Let him finish quick, so they can go and hit up that ex who actually knows what he is doing.
10. “Yes, I came”
The only logical conclusion after a Nigerian woman fake moans her way through a forgettable romp is to lie that she came. Yes, the man will ask if she did – the ones with weak stroke game always do – so it’s usually just easier for her to smile and nod.
11. “I love you”
For the average Nigerian man, lying is second nature, but they somehow become even less trustworthy when sex is involved. So, when the words, “I love you” are uttered at any point during or immediately after sex, it should be taken with a pinch of salt.