11 Lies Nigerians Tell During Sex

November 4, 2019

Whether they like to admit it or not, Nigerians are out here having a ton of sex. And like most things that include them (especially Nigerian men), a lot of lying is involved. So, we decided to pick the top 11 lies you’ll hear if you climb into bed with a Nigerian.

1. “Just the tip, abeg”

There are a lot of lies that a desperate Nigerian man looking to bust a quick nut will tell, but the hilariously lame “Just the tip” certainly ranks high on the list of most embarrassing, especially because no one actually ever believes it.

2. “Your body is so soft”

This entire post could have easily been made up of lies Nigerian men tell when they come before their third thrust, and “Your body is so soft” is one of the many generic compliments created to distract women from the failure at hand.

3. “You’re just too sweet”

This one is a spin-off of “Your body is so soft”. Just like that lie, the goal here is to transfer blame. Please, don’t buy it. The sugar you supposedly sprinkled all over your body before getting into bed with him is not the reason you’re leaving horny and agitated.

4. “This has never happened to me before”

Another lie that comes out after a thoroughly underwhelming sexcapade, “This has never happened to me before” is the average Nigerian man’s last-ditch effort to score a second chance – a decision that will almost definitely end in another case of “had I known…”

5. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today”

Since we’ve already established that this is not the first time Mr. 2-Seconds-Everything-Don-Burst has left his partner deeply unsatisfied, then we already know not to buy this lie. (Spoiler alert: The same unknown thing that is wrong with him today will still be wrong tomorrow).

6. “I must have taken too much sugar”

Just like the devil, who is constantly blamed for every bad thing we do, sugary drinks have suffered under the hands of Nigerian men. Every other day, a bottle of Coke, that is just casually chilling in a fridge somewhere, is getting blamed for one oga’s poor performance.

7. “I don’t have a condom”

It’s a lie oh. He’s just hoping that you’ll be horny enough to risk a light pregnancy and a few drops of STD. If you check, the guy probably has a whole carton of condoms in his wardrobe, but, as a typical Nigerian man, he’s looking for whose life he can scatter small.

8. “I’ve never done this before”

We blame slut-shaming for this lie even needing to exist. Sis, we know you’ve done “this” before, and you enjoyed the hell out of it. Don’t let any man make you feel somehow, abeg. Him sef, he has done “this” before, that’s why he’s trying to do it again.

9. *Moaning*

Many Nigerian men are walking around thinking they are sex gods because of this lie. Even when his stroke game is ticklish at best, some women have decided that fake moaning is the most ideal solution. Let him finish quick, so they can go and hit up that ex who actually knows what he is doing.

10. “Yes, I came”

The only logical conclusion after a Nigerian woman fake moans her way through a forgettable romp is to lie that she came. Yes, the man will ask if she did – the ones with weak stroke game always do – so it’s usually just easier for her to smile and nod.

11. “I love you”

For the average Nigerian man, lying is second nature, but they somehow become even less trustworthy when sex is involved. So, when the words, “I love you” are uttered at any point during or immediately after sex, it should be taken with a pinch of salt.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X