All The Things Guys Do When Preparing For Sex

June 2, 2017

1. We shower. We shower hard.

Can’t afford to be smelling when the deed is being done.

2. We brush. We brush hard.

Unless you want the girl to turn her head 360 degrees just to avoid kissing you.

3. We do push ups.

Last minute attempt to look sexy.

4. We clean. We clean hard.

Can’t afford to have your house smelling when you’re getting down.

5. We drink redbull.

For energy.

6. Sometimes mixed with man power.

For those that need it.

7. We shave.

Don’t go and injure someone’s daughter with your pubic hair that feels like hair brush.

8. We put on our best underwear.

To look sexy when we eventually disrobe.

9. We shit.

Because pausing a sex session halfway through to go and empty your bowels can really kill the mood for both you and the girl.

10. We practice our sexy voices.

Basically we try to sound like James Earl Jones. Why? Because nobody’s voice is sexier than the voice of Mufasa.

11. Finally, we sit in fear for a few minutes and hope the girl doesn’t call to cancel.

*worry intensifies*

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