All The Things That happen When You Start A New Job

August 25, 2016

1. When you wake up and remember you are now employed.

Bye bye to unemployment!

2. How you rush out of the house 3 hours before you need to so you can get to the office extra early.

Before they think you are unserious.

3. You, trying to pretend you are normal and nice to your new colleagues.

Let me just pretend for a few weeks then you people will see the real me.

4. You, trying to remember the names of all your new colleagues:

“Did she say her name is Annabelle or Mabel?”

5. When your new boss cracks jokes in the office you’re like:

“You are just too funny sir. Do you want me to increase the volume of my laughter because I can do that.”

6. When they ask you to stay late and you’re tired but you want to impress.

“Yes, no problem at all.”

7. When some co-workers try to get extra friendly and you’re not about that life.

Kindly get out of my personal space.

8. When you’re eating and ask people to “join you” just to be polite but they really come and start eating.

Is that how you people do here?

9. When your new boss keeps calling you the wrong name but you manage it because it’s not easy to be employed.

Jut managing it for now.

10. When your probationary period is over and you can now start showing your true colours.

Very what? Very good!

11. You strolling into work at 10am the day after your probationary period.

You people will learn.

12. When your co-workers crack dry jokes and expect you to laugh.

Not anymore.

13. When people try to start unnecessary conversation in the office.

Kindly leave here with speed and alacrity.

14. When your boss ask you to start some work at 4:55.

Try again never sir.

15. When one of your co-workers says “you’ve changed”.

And so what?

16. When you hear there is going to be an annual review.

I am finished!
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