How To Be A Good Nigerian Neighbour

April 24, 2017

1. Ensure to make frequent unscheduled visits to your neighbour’s house.

Feel free to “stop by” unannounced. They’re just right next door anyways, why waste your money on a simple call or text message?

2. Be ready to lend your neighbour any and every thing.

Nothing is off limits; from tomato paste to phone charger to bed sheet. You must be ready to give it all as a good Nigerian neighbour. There should be no “no” in your dictionary, only “yes” and “is that enough?”

3. Always keep your neighbour abreast of good ol’ fashioned neighbourhood gossip.

A neighbour is better than a newspaper, they know everything. Keep your ear to the ground so you know who’s talking about who, when they were doing the talking, why they were doing the talking and what they were talking about.

4. Be the security camera your neighbour has always wanted but could never afford.

After all, why are you now neighbours? You must keep watch on any and every coming and going. Especially when one particular mysterious car always seems to show up at one particular time every day just after your neighbour’s spouse returns from work. *suspicious*

5. Always try to eavesdrop on your neighbour a little.

How else would you know all about that thing they’ve been trying not to let you know and of which is not your business to know? They’re probably too embarrassed about it, so just listen in just in case.

6. Set up your generator as close to your neighbour’s house as possible.

That way, every time you switch it on at 7pm, they’ll know.

7. Always leave your door open so your neighbour can enter whenever they need to.

You can’t just be locking door anyhow, are you in a prison?

8. Always receive messages for your neighbour.

It’s not like the visitor who didn’t meet them at home could just ring them up or slip a note under their door. When you’re there, why bother them with having to write again?

9. You must always help your neighbour discipline their children.

Does it not take a village? Why are you now there? You must teach that child to always bend her back when she’s sweeping and caution her to stop playing too loud and too rough on the street.

10. Now that you know all you need to about being a good Nigerian neighbour, here’s a post that perfectly describes all the wahala that comes with having troublesome neighbours:

https://zikoko.com/list/wahala-comes-troublesome-neighbours/
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