7 Nigerians Share Their Most Embarrassing Sex Stories

June 17, 2020

Contrary to what generic romantic comedies want us to believe, sex isn’t always sexy. Sometimes — more times than we’d like to admit — it’s awkward, messy and embarrassing.

So, to make you feel a bit better about your own sexual fumbles, we decided to ask a bunch of Nigerians to share their most embarrassing sex stories. Here are 7 of the best entries we got.

Tolani, 25/Female/Straight

After talking to this guy for a month, I decided it was finally time to go over to his place. When I got there, he’d already cooked me really spicy Indomie. It was so nice that I almost licked the plate, but I had to respect myself.

Fast forward a bit, and we were making out in his bed. He started to finger me and that’s when I felt a burning sensation. This man had used his bare hands to cut the pepper for the Indomie earlier.

I first tried to chest it, but it only got worse. He sensed my discomfort and asked if I was ok. I had to confess that my vagina was on fire. We were both too embarrassed to continue that night.

David, 27/Male/Straight

I started talking to this babe when the lockdown was first imposed, and things quickly got very sexual. We used to sext a lot, going on and on about all the filthy things we’d do to each other once we saw. 

She finally came over a few days ago, and it was a disaster. I don’t know if it was all the pent up horniness from the past few months, but I didn’t last up to 20 seconds. Somehow, that wasn’t even the most embarrassing part.

She actually offered that we try a second time, but my dick wasn’t having it. No matter what we did, I couldn’t get hard again. After a while, she just patted me on my head, chuckled and left.

Ify, 24/Female/Bisexual

I was making out with this guy in uni, and it started getting pretty intense. He wanted to eat me out and I was so into it that I completely forgot I was wearing a tampon. That’s how this guy started pulling the string.

My period had officially finished, but you can never be too sure, so I was wearing one just in case. He kept pulling the string and asking what it was, while I was struggling to hold it in with all my pelvic strength. 

I didn’t want him to take it out because I wasn’t sure if there was going to be blood on it, and I didn’t have another one to change with. So, I lied that it was my IUD I’d put it in a week prior, and I was still a bit sore.

So, instead of eating me out, he avoided my vagina completely and just kissed me everywhere else. He also kept doing this baby voice like, “Aww! I’m so sowwwy baby. Does it hurt?” I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

James, 30/Male/Bisexual

I’ve never really been a fan of giving blowjobs. It’s just so much effort for nothing in return. Anyway, I have this “straight” neighbour who I hook up with every now and then — like once a month.

One day, he texted me, clearly high, asking, “Do you want to suck my dugun?” That’s an exact quote. Don’t judge me. Usually, I’d ignore it, but I was particularly horny that day. So, I went over to his and got right to it.

Without warning, he pushed all 8 inches into my throat and I immediately vomited. Not just a little bit. Half-digested egusi soup came pouring out of me onto him. Understandably, we haven’t hooked up since then. 

Ada, 23/Female/Bisexual

I was sexting with this new guy and it was going really well, so he asked if we could try phone sex. Even though I know I’m a lot more comfortable over text, I thought I was horny enough to make it work. 

We started the call and halfway into it, this motherfucker asked me to sing Beyoncé’s “Rocket” so he could come. My brain couldn’t process the request, so I just cut the call and blocked him everywhere.

Tomiwa, 29/Male/Straight

So, the first time I had sex, I did a lot of research to avoid embarrassing myself. I gave her head and she returned the favour. For a newbie, everything seemed like it was going well.

I eventually showed my naivety when we started fucking. Every time she tried to rub her clit, I would slap her hands away. I didn’t understand what she was trying to do — it didn’t show up in my research.

She eventually became very frustrated and I didn’t understand why. To this day, I still randomly remember how clueless I was and feel ashamed of myself all over again.

Dami, 22/Female/Questioning

Last year, I met up with an old friend who’d been wanting to have sex for a while. We had dinner and drove to somewhere secluded. I was a bit reluctant because, while I’m a fan of risky sex, I just felt off that night.

We started making out and I eventually got into it. That’s when he noticed the headlights of a police car. I’m not sure if it was euphoria or disbelief, but I couldn’t get off him until they were right at the window shouting at us.

I got really scared and tried to put on my jeans, but they weren’t having it. I was able to snap my bodysuit together before getting out. They raised hell, saying they were going to arrest us for public indecency (not a crime btw).

I had to resort to begging and fake tears. Eventually, they drove us to an ATM, collected money and drove off. I couldn’t process anything until they left, and then I just started laughing. It was embarrassing, funny and scary. 

QUIZ: How Long Do You Last In Bed?

This quiz knows you better than your past lovers. Take it here.

NerdEfiko

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

July 23, 2021

On Saturday, July 24, 2021, the Lagos State Independent Electoral Commission (LASIEC) will conduct an election to elect the next chairman and councillors in the 20 local government areas and the 37 local council development areas in the state.  Why should you care about this? Provisions in the 1999 constitution and the Electoral Act of […]

July 23, 2021

Romantic relationships bring different changes to our lives. Some welcome, some not. In this article, five Nigerian women talk about how their partners changed their lives.  Bisola, 23 I grew up in a conservative space but I always knew I wanted to explore certain things and with the help of my current partner, I am […]

July 23, 2021

What’s not to love about ATMs? If you just ignore the long queues, bad network, and occasional swallowing of cards, ATMs are a lifesaver.  They do their jobs and let you go about your day. But what if you were stuck in a parallel universe where ATMs could speak? It’s 5 a.m. A young man […]

July 23, 2021

BBNaija season is upon us, and that means that for the next couple of weeks, Nigerians will gather online to talk and argue about a show they love. While all of this is happening, some nincompoops will decide that they want to be villains and start spewing BBNaija hate speech. If you’re one of those […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

More from Inside Life

July 23, 2021

BBNaija season is upon us, and that means that for the next couple of weeks, Nigerians will gather online to talk and argue about a show they love. While all of this is happening, some nincompoops will decide that they want to be villains and start spewing BBNaija hate speech. If you’re one of those […]

July 23, 2021

A small trouble is brewing in the Small Chops Association: the other members no longer want Puff-puff to be a part of them. This is difficult, considering the large quantity of Puff-puff you find in a Small Chops package.

Today on Interview With, we spoke to the members of the Small Chops Association, including Puff-puff, to hear their take on this delicate matter.

July 21, 2021

Sometimes, parents grow wings and start keeping late nights and other such things. Here are some effective ways to punish your parents and prevent matters from getting out of hand. 1. Tell them to face the wall Tell them to face the wall and think about what they’ve done. Make sure you check on them […]

July 19, 2021

We wrote this for non-muslims who want to enjoy their Sallah holidays by eating meat till their teeth begin to ache. Enjoy. 1. Make a list of all your muslim friends Just make a list first. The more, the merrier. 2. Wish them Happy Sallah and remind them you love them Telling them you love […]

July 18, 2021

When it comes to making a man cry in bed, there are many things you can do to make that happen. If you are looking to make things so hot during sex that your man sheds tears of ecstacy, here’s a detailed guide on how to make a man cry in bed. 1. Call out […]

July 17, 2021

If you say any of the words in this article, you’re a 50+ person. Don’t argue with us. 1. Wherewithal “Father Lord, please give us the wherewithal…” 2. Hullabaloo Anyone who says this was a primary school proprietor in their past life. 3. Moist Nobody should be saying this word. This is one of the […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X