Sex Life: I Lost The Love of My Life Because of My Addiction To Sex

April 17, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.


The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 29-year-old gay man whose sexual addiction ruined his three-year relationship. He talks about how the end of his relationship made him realise he has a problem and what fuels his addiction.

When did you have sex for the first time?

I think the first time I had sex was in SS3. I met a guy where I went to write my WAEC and after the paper, we went to his apartment. I didn’t know what sexual tension was at the time, but we had that. He kissed me and the rest just happened naturally. It wasn’t wow or anything like that, but it was good enough for me to want to do it again.

Did you?

Oh yes. We hooked up again after that. Then I relocated to Lagos for uni, and my sexual awakening happened.

Oh?

It’s also when I had my first “boyfriend”.

Why is the boyfriend in quotes?

 He hated the word “boyfriend” because he thought it was so gay, so even though I think we were dating, I don’t know if I can say we were.

Fair enough. What about the sexual awakening?

Before I got to uni, I had slept with one person. By the end of my first year, I slept with close to thirty people.

AH.

Yup. Just so I’m not exaggerating, let’s say above 20 but less than thirty. I was kind of known for being an ashawo amongst the gays in my school then.

Do you know why you went from a body count of 1 to a body count of almost 30 so quickly?

I think it was a desirability thing. I did it to feel desirable. There was a thrill that came with someone wanting you and your body and of course, your penis.

LMAO. You mentioned being branded an ashawo back then. Were you slut-shamed often?

Oh yeah. People also undermined me because I was sleeping around and assumed I wasn’t smart. They would be rude to me, say snarky things in my back and my front. Nigerian uni is actually what American shows paint their high schools to be like. 

I agree!

That was how I met the first “boyfriend”. He was a hookup who didn’t know he was a hookup and so kept calling and texting me. We dated for a few months then he cheated on me.

Oh wow.

With a friend of mine.

WOW.

I was heartbroken but kind of relieved because I was already bored of the relationship. Most of why I was heartbroken is I felt he cheated on me because I wasn’t good-looking enough.

Desirability seems to be a major theme in your sex life.

It is actually. I recently realised the main reason I have sex is that I feel like at least someone wants me. And that’s like drugs to me, so it pushes me to search and look for it. As you can imagine, that makes me do things I shouldn’t do.

Like what?

I have made so many bad decisions because of this thing. You know how someone slept with my “boyfriend”? I did the same thing to a different friend of mine later on.

Damn.

His boyfriend started texting me on Instagram, saying suggestive things then started sending me selfies. I knew where it was going, did I stop it? No. It progressed to him sending nudes and one day, he asked me to come over. We didn’t agree on sex, but I knew what was going to happen. And it did.

Did you tell your friend?

Nah. It would’ve just caused drama.

Where do you think that need for feeling desirable comes from?

I was a fat kid and people were mean about it. In my late teens, puberty helped me get rid of a lot of the weight. Also when I was in uni, I started working out and that helped. But I still don’t feel good-looking, so I search for that feeling. I realised sex was like a way to get that hit, and it became my drug of choice.

That’s tough. Moving on from uni, how was your sex life in the “real world”?

I dated a lot, I had a lot more sex. I think I was searching for something that I didn’t even know. Then I met the love of my life.

Tell me about him.

I met him through a friend when I was trying to change my “whore” ways. He had a great job, was bald and good looking. What else could a boy want?

Nothing, my dear. So how was the relationship?

 It was fucking good in the beginning. Good sex, healthy and good communication. We started playing with the idea of maybe going to the United States so we could get married or at least live as partners. Then, I fucked up.

How so?

I cheated on him several times.

Several times?

Yeah. And with several people. We were together for three years. The first year, I was faithful. But from the second year? I was bored. I just wanted the thrill of casual sex with someone other than him.

Did you ever consider an open relationship with him?

He is monogamous, and honestly, so am I. If he had sex with someone, I would die.

But…

Yeah, I know.

Okay, did he find out that you were stepping outside your relationship?

Yeah. He did because the gossip flew back to him. He confronted me about it. We talked about it and decided to still try.

What happened next?

A few months later, the next year, I slept with someone who was the boyfriend of someone he knows. I think that was the worst thing I have ever done in my entire life. I saw his face when he confronted me about it, crying. He begged me that it shouldn’t be true.

I had never hated myself more than I did then. I think he broke then, and I hate that I was the one that did that to someone I loved who loved me.

What happened next?

He left the house, his house. I later found out he went to a friend’s place because the friend and his boyfriend came over to the house. He hasn’t talked to me since then. He didn’t even look at me when he came back. He didn’t block me on social media either; he just acts like I don’t exist. It’s been a year now.

Damn. Did this experience change how you approach sex now?

I think the guilt of what I did has changed me as a person. I don’t feel that rush I used to feel with sex anymore; I just feel guilt. When I try having sex, I stop halfway. I feel disgusted with my body now. 

Have you thought of perhaps seeing a therapist?

I’m in therapy now. We’re working through my sex addiction.

How would you rate your sex life?

0. I am no longer having sex at the moment and all I feel when it comes to sex is disgust, anger and regret.

Desmond

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

April 11, 2021

Today’s Man Like is Andy Obuoforibo, a 40-year-old politician and product manager. He tells us about how his father’s warmth and work ethic taught him the real meaning of masculinity, how his mother’s foray into politics influenced him to participate in politics and why he supports the LGBTQ+ movement as a Nigerian politician. When did […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

June 12, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a heterosexual 25-year-old man who became obsessed with penises when he realised his penis was small. He talks about how having a small penis affects his […]

June 12, 2021

By Doyin Olagunju If you were on social media on 27th May 2021, you must have seen a viral video involving Remi Tinubu, a former first lady of Lagos State and a current senator representing Lagos Central senatorial district, in a heated argument with another woman over the fact that Ms Tinubu called the woman […]

June 11, 2021

In life, there are many things you can be. One of them is a country, and that’s on period. We’ve already told you which country you were meant to be born in. Take this quiz to find out which European country you have hidden in you. Gather your fave sport buddies and watch all the […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

More from Sex Life

June 12, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a heterosexual 25-year-old man who became obsessed with penises when he realised his penis was small. He talks about how having a small penis affects his […]

June 9, 2021

Since heaven is the goal, but your body is not firewood, here are some of the best sex positions that won’t ruin your heavenly race. 1) Missionary The people that named this sex position knew what they were doing. It is simple, straight forward and as old as time. People that have sex like this […]

June 5, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year gay man who has a reputation for being a player. He talks about how his reputation for sleeping around is affecting his sex life and […]

May 29, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman who finds sex triggering and struggles to maintain romantic and sexual relationships due to past horrible and violent sexual experiences. She talks […]

May 22, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 35-year-old woman who discovers she isn’t attracted to only men relatively late. She talks about finding out about her sexuality, how her husband helped her […]

May 15, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old gay man who recently discovered he is a side — a gay man who isn’t interested in penetrative sex. He talks about how this affects […]

May 7, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 32-year-old woman who decided to stop having sex after she turned 30. She talks her toxic sex life in her 20s and how this decision has helped her improve the quality of her life, relationship and friendships.

May 1, 2021

The subject of this week’s sex life is a 32-year heterosexual woman who is tired of having sex. She talks about her very sexually active 20s and how today, nothing about sex excites her especially sex with her husband. What was your first sexual experience? In secondary school, there was a guy that I would […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X