7 Animals That Have Suffered In The Hands Of Superstitious Nigerians

December 11, 2018

Have you ever stopped to think about the long list of innocent animals who just want to chill and exist the way they were meant to but keep getting killed by superstitious Nigerians? Of course, you haven’t. Your human privilege has blinded you to the suffering of these poor little (occasionally big) guys.

Well, I (a human who is aware of his privilege and has decided to use it for good) decided to interview a couple of these animals so you all can know what it’s like to be  slain in your prime due to false accusations of having ties to the “occult kingdom.”

The following entries are from 7 animals who agreed to speak to me about the struggles they face. The entries are written in their voice.

1) Cats

“We get that we’re not the most affectionate pets, our glow-in-the-dark eyes are creepy, and, unlike dogs, we actually have our shit together. But we swear, not all of us are your bitter village relatives in disguise waiting for an opportunity to suck your blood. So please, quit freaking out whenever we show up to eat from your trash.” 

2) Owls

“I will never forget where I was when I heard my brother had died. He’d flown into a human family’s house one night to chill for a bit when he was brutally murdered because they thought he was there to harm them. All these accusations because of our large eyes, comically long legs, and our ability to turn our heads 360 degrees. We deserve better. My brother, Cornelius, deserved better.”

3) Vultures

“It’s bad enough that we’re discriminated against for eating dead things and being ugly as sin, superstitious Nigerians have thrown in accusations of being harbingers of death too. Na ugly we ugly oh, we no kill person. (We just eat the person when they die.)” 

4) Galagos (Bush Babies)

“We are not little people that go about with magic mats looking for greedy humans to kill. We were nicknamed “bush babies” because of the high-pitched sound we make. I’m guessing some idiot in history once mistook our cry for a human baby’s and proceeded to spread made up stories about forest-dwelling murderous magical midgets instead of just admitting he was wrong.”

5) Bats

“My unfortunate name aside (my parents were the literal worst), we don’t all suck blood. The ones that do (think of them like those trash family members you distance yourself from) aren’t even native to Africa, so Nigerians are safe. 

So if we accidentally fly into your house, please don’t kill us and flush our bodies down the toilet. We’ll end up flying into your ceiling fan anyways.” 

6) Snakes

“Honestly, I blame Nollywood for perpetuating the stereotype that every snake that shows up is a spirit from the “marine kingdom” who will later shapeshift into a beautiful light-skinned girl and destroy destinies left and right. Yes, we have poisonous venom, but we only bite when we feel attacked. So, mind your business and we’ll mind ours.”

7) Spiders

“Spinning webs is not a joke. We make that shit to catch food. It is physically demanding and takes a long ass time. So imagine the frustration we feel when we come back to find our webs (and our food prospects) gone because some of you think walking into one is bad luck. Grow the fuck up!”

Well, there you have it.

Remember these stories next time you think of killing a snake JUST because it showed up in your toilet bowl.

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

August 12, 2021

Hearing your parents tell you they love you seems nice, but you sometimes need to work for their extra love, before they give it to other people. Here are a few perfect ways to get your Nigerian parents to love you more. 1. Get married Nothing proves that you love your parents more than getting […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X