3 Men On How Marriage Changed Their Relationship With Their Families

April 7, 2021

Navigating relationships with one’s family can become quite dicey after marriage. There’s a lot more to consider now; your partner’s feelings, your family’s wishes and a lot of other factors. I spoke to three married men about how their relationship with their families changed after they married.

Gideon

My family is a very big one and I’m close to almost everyone. I wouldn’t really say the relationship changed after my marriage, I just became a bit more withdrawn from my family. This meant that I’d rather stay home and hang out with my wife rather than go out for a family event if it wasn’t necessary. It’s a choice I made because if I don’t set these lines in place, I’ll always have issues with boundaries.

At first, family members tried reporting me to my dad but I’m a stubborn man. He’d call and ask why I wasn’t at a family event and I’d reply, “Because I didn’t feel like.” After a while, he stopped asking me and told people to come to ask me themselves. I still contribute financially but there’s a lot less of my physical presence.

My wife used to feel bad whenever it was brought up but it’s really my decision. When my mother tried to blame her as a bad influence, I told my mother it was my decision and asked her not to interfere in my home. People tend to respect stuff like that. I guess patriarchy has its benefits.

Olumide

I lost my Dad when I was 8 years old, so my family has always been my mom and my two brothers. My mom was very attached to me because I was obedient, and this remained true till I graduated from university. I realised that I needed to distance myself a bit because I was quite the mommy’s boy, so three years before I married, I moved out of the house. 

I knew my mother was the controlling type so I made sure to set boundaries. Between the time of my introduction and my marriage, I made sure they only met about four or five times. I also made sure I let my mother know that she should respect my wife’s decisions. To date, there are times where she still wants to interfere in my family matters but I try to gently turn her down and make her understand I’m my own man. There are still clashes but there’s an understanding of each person’s boundaries.

When my wife gave birth and my mother was living with us, my mother tried to impose her views about taking care of the baby until my wife got upset and snapped at her. I’ve told my mom to respect our choices. Many times, my mother and wife communicate through me because I know that things can get really tense between them.

Sometimes my wife brings up that my mother’s monthly allowance is too much, after all, I’m not the only child but I tell her that it’s unnegotiable. I placated her by placing her mother on an allowance too, although not as much.

Seun

I lost both my parents within the space of six months in 2012 and I’m the first of four children. While I was dating my wife, I took her to meet my aunt who was the head of the family. The meeting went well but there was some grumbling about the fact that my wife isn’t Yoruba. The family knew they didn’t have the right to say anything because while I was hustling for school fees in the university, they were all unlooking.

Now, everyone in the family just minds the business that pays them. To me, my family consists of my wife, my daughter and me. I’m pretty close to my youngest brother too. He’s a great guy. My two other brothers are always billing me to ask for money they think I have and think I’m stingy when I tell them I don’t have it [laughs].

Are you a man who would like to be interviewed for a Zikoko article? Fill this form and we’ll be in your inbox quicker than you can say “Man Dem.”

Quiz: Which Family Member Do You Look Like? 

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Olufemi Fadahunsi

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

April 12, 2021

I am genuinely fascinated by relationship dynamics between Nigerians especially when it comes to giving gifts to their partners. So I set out to speak to as many Nigerian men who were willing to speak to me and asked them who the most generous partner they’ve ever had is. And the answers amazed me. Here […]

September 11, 2020

It’s almost impossible to make Nigerian fathers happy. Swim through seven shark-infested oceans and a Nigerian father can ask you if your friend who swam through eigh oceans has two heads. If you think telling your father you love him will make him happy, you’re in for a rude shock. Lucky for you, there are […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

June 19, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old heterosexual woman who rarely has sex. She talks about almost getting married to an ex boyfriend who betrayed her trust by cheating on her multiple times and how this experience shaped her interest in sex.

June 19, 2021

There are friends you’ve had for years and those you have had for a short while, but how old is your longest friendship? Let’s find out: Relationships can be hard, and sometimes you just need someone to give you a bit of advice. Ask Ozzy is our new advice column where you send Zikoko the […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

More from Man Dem

June 17, 2021

Everyone has those small, seemingly minor things that turn them off people, commonly called an “ick”. We spoke to seven men about what their unforgivable, weirdest ick is and they had some hilarious answers. Dave People who are too eager are my biggest icks. Maybe it’s my fear of commitment, but the more someone makes […]

June 13, 2021

What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. Man Like is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to […]

June 10, 2021

The story of the 10 Plagues of Egypt you read in the Bible was scary but it didn’t tell of all the plagues. There was one more it failed to mention. No, it’s not COVID-19. It’s women coming to your house and stealing your clothes. The reason why your money is running out is because […]

June 9, 2021

If you’re a Nigerian man, you probably grew up hearing that there are things you shouldn’t talk about because men don’t talk about things like that. Well, we’re here to tell you that they lied. These are six things you should never be afraid to talk about. 1. Our failures Here’s the thing: Everybody fails […]

June 9, 2021

The Twitter ban has affected a lot of people and businesses in different ways. We tend to overlook the impact Twitter has had in various aspects of our lives. One of such aspects is relationships. I spoke to 6 Nigerian men who found love on Twitter. They had such interesting stories. Tosin We had been […]

June 2, 2021

Fat people in Nigeria go through a lot of abuse and degradation from society at large. It seems they get no respite from the constant passive aggression and fatphobia. The male perspective on this topic isn’t often heard, so we talked to 5 men about what it was like to be fat in Nigeria. Tolu […]

June 2, 2021

We don’t hear enough stories about men being heartbroken or dumped even though we all know it happens. Today, we spoke to four Nigerian men on the worst ways they’ve been dumped. Tokunbo, 24. I had this lady, we had been dating for about a year or so. I was still in uni then and […]

May 31, 2021

When most Nigerians hear ‘submissive’ in the context of a relationship, they envision a woman. However, this isn’t always the case. Many men are subs in the bedroom and many have embraced that and are living very happy sex lives. Over the past few weeks, I have spoken to several people I knew who were […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X