4 Nigerian Men Tell Us What It Is Like Being A Submissive

May 31, 2021

When most Nigerians hear ‘submissive’ in the context of a relationship, they envision a woman. However, this isn’t always the case. Many men are subs in the bedroom and many have embraced that and are living very happy sex lives. Over the past few weeks, I have spoken to several people I knew who were into BDSM and spoken to several Nigerian men on what it is like being a sub.

These are some of my favourite answers as well as some of the most insightful takes I got on what it is like being a Nigerian man and being a submissive.

Eric, 32.

I realized I was submissive totally by chance. When I started dating my ex, I didn’t have an inkling of the whole sub/dom thing and that a man could be submissive. Anyways, one day my ex kind of took control of the sex we were having, telling me what to do, and stuff. It was weirdly thrilling having someone else control what you were doing. It started from there and now I only like being involved with dominant women. For me, being submissive goes beyond the bedroom and BDSM and stuff. It’s in the woman telling me what to do, to stand up, to sit down, controlling when I am allowed to climax etc. Being dominated for me is great, it’s freeing to have someone else take control.

Patrick, 36.

I realized I liked being dominated pretty early but I didn’t go seeking it because of shame. Tell a Nigerian woman you enjoy being submissive and watch her face squeeze in disgust. Luckily, I went to Canada for my Masters and there I got to explore the BDSM as well as the sub/dominant scene. I was able to hone in on what it was I liked. In Nigeria, it’s hard because even the women who are dominant in Nigeria either don’t know they are dominant/don’t even know how to do it. Anyways, I found a small but thriving sub/dom scene in Abuja and that’s where I met my current mistress. For me being dominated is just the way my brain is wired. Away from the bedroom, I’m pretty dominant but in the bedroom, control me, demean me, everything.

Dapo, 28.

I kind of always knew I was a sub, to be honest. However, I didn’t know how much of a sub I was till a few years ago. I met someone who knew all the right buttons to press, all the right ways to push me. Part of the appeal of being a sub is doing things you know you shouldn’t do simply because you have been instructed to do them. I would stand while he is working and not look at him till he asks me to, I would wear what he wants me to, he dictated how sex works, when I’m allowed to climax etc. It’s so hot to me.

Bolu, 35.

I’m a switch, in that I can dominate and be dominated depending on who I am with. For me, it’s chemistry. I can be with a guy today and want to dominate and be with a girl tomorrow and want to be dominated. I go with the flow on everything and allow how I and the person’s chemistry flows to allow it to determine where we’ll end up. But I particularly like being submissive because I think it requires a level of trust and when you have that, trust and believe that the sex is going to be the bomb.com.org. 

  • Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity and privacy.
Desmond

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

April 6, 2021

As told to Femi. Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved. I met Chris* in a Zikoko Clubhouse room while he was describing his experience with relationships as a polyamorous man. He had quite the story to tell. I […]

July 18, 2021

When it comes to making a man cry in bed, there are many things you can do to make that happen. If you are looking to make things so hot during sex that your man sheds tears of ecstacy, here’s a detailed guide on how to make a man cry in bed. 1. Call out […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

More from Man Dem

September 5, 2021

The subject of today’s Man Like is Enioluwa “Lip Gloss Boy” Adeoluwa, a 21-year-old social media influencer and TV host. He talks about growing up in Akure, accidentally becoming popular from making videos while wearing makeup and how he handles being an unorthodox man in Nigeria. What’s your relationship with your dad like? He’s my […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X