To say that Nollywood has given us more than enough ‘WTF is happening’ movies to last us a lifetime is an understatement. Today, we are going to go through four movie franchises from Nollywood that had us going “WTF?!” from start to finish.
The fact this franchise even exists stresses me in ways I can’t describe. The entire point of the franchise is that a bunch of girls had Blackberry phones and other girls wanted one. I understand that it was supposed to be some sort of elite thing but they made part one, two, three and kept going. If you need one more reason to watch this movie, Oge Okoye’s character, who was hanging around a store to catch men in the opening scene, went up to a man who had forgotten his wallet and used her Blackberry phone to pay for what he had bought. Now, I’m confused as to how this happened. Somehow, he used Oge’s character’s Blackberry phone to pay the store even though he didn’t ask for the store’s account number or anything. What was happening? Was technology even more advanced in Old Nollywood than it is now?
If you think the premise of Blackberry Babes is ridiculous, it’s still learning work when standing next to White Hunters. I just want to add that I don’t think any of the white men featured in this franchise were from either the US or the UK like they said they were. And to make it worse, none of the white men could act to save their lives. Their acting made Regina Askia look like Meryl Streep.
Beyonce and Rihanna
Somedays, I try to imagine Beyonce and Rihanna’s faces when they realized a movie ‘loosely inspired’ by them exists and then I try to imagine their faces when they watched it for the first time. Beyonce and Rihanna redefined what it means for a movie to be bad. The singing, the cringe acting, the standoffs in the middle of the road. Why does every Nollywood movie feature standoffs in the middle of a road? Are cities so small that you can just casually run into your nemesis on a road no one else is on? I think the weirdest part of Beyonce and Rihanna is that it wasn’t just one movie, it wasn’t two. It was four. And yes, I watched every single one.
Dumebi The Dirty Girl
I think this was supposed to be a comedic spin of Julia Robert’s Pretty Woman but this franchise stressed the daylight out of me. The fact that Dumebi’s parents and all the other villagers, who likely didn’t go to school or get a formal education, can speak better English than Dumebi, who dropped out, has me very confused. However, as someone who lives for chaotic Nollywood movies, this franchise has the right amount of chaos to qualify for the “It’s so bad, it’s good” category.