The Zikoko Guide To Becoming An Old Nollywood Campus Bad Girl

February 19, 2021

Old Nollywood definitely had its problems. Corny storylines, really bad CGI etc. But one thing they were consistent with is giving us iconic campus queens who were all running things. I love them so much I decided to make a guide on how to be an old Nollywood campus bad girl.

  • Get Your Fashion Game On Point.

Are you really an old Nollywood campus bad girl if you don’t own at least five spaghetti tops and unlimited denim skirts? You don’t own a ‘Rihanna’ wig and you want me to take you seriously? Please, come off it. Where are your oversized glasses?

  • Always hold a cigarette.

Notice that I didn’t say smoke? I said hold. You need it lazily near your lips to give you a certain umph. If you are extra, you can smoke it every now and then to punctuate your sentences but if you really want to show everyone that you are the girl that you think you are, I highly recommend inhaling the cigarette smoke then blowing it up at someone’s face. Do that and you’ve earned like a 1000 bad girl points instantly.

  • You need a ‘chief’ and a ‘baby’.

Now let’s talk about romantic partners. You can’t be single as a campus bad girl, I’m sorry but it doesn’t work like that. You need at least one sugar daddy whose name you yourself don’t know and you must call chief. Is he really a chief or have you forgotten his name and are hoping he buys this act of yours? We will never know! Chief’s job is to provide you with money, wear agbadas and promise you the world. Then you need a ‘baby’. Someone your age, think Emeka Ike or Desmond Elliot. This one is poor, wears baggy stripes shirts and carries a big bag all across the campus. Chances are he’s the best student in the department and helps you with your assignment. Your personal nerd. Look at you, a queen pulling men from different walks of life and even different generations. We what? We stan.

  • ‘You need to use what you have to get what you want?’

You are not entirely sure what this means but as a Nollywood campus bad girl, you must use this line at least once. Perhaps when bringing in a recruit to the bad girl lifestyle, ensure your manicure is done and you have perfect acrylic nails and you can snap your fingers while slowly and emphatically saying ‘you have to use what you have to get what you want.’ 

  • Storyline.

You have two options as a Nollywood campus bad girl when it comes to storyline. Option A: be a new girl on campus, you’ll enter uni clutching your Ghana-must-go, wearing a Mary Amaka skirt that has seen better days while scared of your own shadow. Two weeks later, you’ve bought a denim mini skirt, you’ve dethroned the old queen, you’ve stolen her ‘chief’ and maybe even her ‘baby’ but you still haven’t entered class since the first day that you went to get a time table. Option B: You are the OG bad girl on campus then you tried recruiting a new girl who was clutching her Ghana-must-go, next thing you know they’ve stolen your ‘chief’ and your ‘baby’ and even your apartment and you are just wondering where it all went wrong.

Desmond

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