If Storm Were From Ibadan

June 11, 2021

Just Imagine is a Zikoko weekly series that takes fictional pop culture icons and reimagines them as chaotic Nigerians. 

Take a superhero that controls the weather and drop her in a country that almost crumbles at the slightest sign of rain. Madness. In this episode of “Just Imagine”, I turn Storm into an Ibadan woman and throw her into the lives of average Nigerians living in Nigeria.

Storm

IBADAN, OYO STATE.

It is 7:45 a.m. and the sun is already high up. The sounds of drivers screaming and cars honking fill the air.

Two men, Kola and Gbenga, dressed in traditional Yoruba attire, walk into a compound of several flats with a microphone and speaker.

Kola speaks into the  microphone.

Kola: Storm! Storm oh!

Storm

An angry, disgruntled and obviously sleep-deprived woman, STORM, opens her window in anger and screams.

Storm: Won’t you people carry your unfortunate behaviour from here? Did they swear for you? Or won’t you let someone sleep?

Gbenga: No vex. We have a party today, and we have not seen you on the field.

Storm: Which nonsense field?

Kola: I born last week. And today is the naming ceremony, and I don’t know what rain will want to do.

Storm: Didn’t your wife give birth two weeks ago?

Kola: Yes, but this time, it is her hairdresser that gave birth for me.

Storm: What?

Storm

Kola: It’s because of bumbum. Her bumbum is big, and my wife knows I don’t use big bumbum to play. Abi, Gbenga?

Gbenga: (nods seriously) Mummy Tomiwa knows.

Kola: She knows that if I see big bumbum, I can will out all my property.

Gbenga: She know. We are still at court fighting to collect the Volvo he will to Sekinah Alagbo.

Kola: Ah. I can never forget that bumbum, it want to kill me. Abi is not big?

Storm

Gbenga: (closes his eyes and nods) Ah no. Is big.

Storm: Do you now see that your generation has been cursed?

Kola: What cause insult? I need you to help me do the weather.

Storm: Look at the sky. (Storm points at the sun) Rain will not fall. 

Kola: I want rain to fall please. Very well. Rain should scatter the naming ceremony.

Storm: Ehn?

Kola: The hairdresser’s husband has been looking for me since, and he can come and shoot me at this naming ceremony.

Storm: So don’t go.

Kola: I should not go to a party? Me? A Yoruba man?

Storm: (sighs)

Gbenga: Then for me, I am doing celebration of life.

Storm: Who died?

Gbenga: Nobody. I just clock 32.

Storm: Why are you celebrating your life at 32?

Gbenga: What’s your business? Just come and make sure rain don’t fall.

Storm: (sighs heavily) Give me the addresses of the parties.

Kola: Is the same place.

Storm: …

Gbenga: We are sharing canopy.

Storm: …

Kola: You will do it half half.

Storm: …

Kola: And I want thunder to strike that her husband.

Storm:

Storm

 LATER THAT DAY

Somewhere else in Ibadan. A young man, Akanmu, is frowning as he stands over Storm who has her arms out towards the sky.

Akanmu: What are you still doing since morning?

Storm

Storm: Do you want rain to fall abi you don’t want rain to fall?

Akanmu: (grumbles) Just do it so my body can move!

Storm: (stops) So your body can move?

Akanmu: For intercourse!

Storm: I thought you said you wanted rain so that you can go to the farm!

Akanmu: (smiles stupidly) She likes for us to do it at the farm that’s why.

Storm: So I have been wasting my time doing this thing?

Akanmu: (angrily) AND HAS IT WORK? HAS IT WORK? HAS MY BODY MOVE?

Storm’s phone starts to ring. She picks it up.

Voice: Storm! Be coming to Lagos! There is a problem!

Storm starts to rise into the sky.

Akanmu: Where are you going! My body has not moved oh!


LEKKI LAGOS.

Storm lands in an estate in Lekki. A woman is standing on her balcony, visibly angry.

Storm: You needed help?

The woman points to the flooded street.

Woman: You see what you caused yesterday? Every time, oversabi! Now, I cannot come out of my house.

Storm: Are you mad?

Woman: Ehn?

Storm: I say are you mad? Why didn’t your chairman dig gutter for you people?

A man, dressed in a prophet’s garb, hears the noise and stretches his neck out of his window.

Prophet: That’s Storm, abi?

Storm: Who is shouting my name?

The prophet points to his destroyed window.

Prophet: Do you see how rain carried my window? You can’t tell rain to fall small small? And my DSTV dish is not there again. I’ve not seen film to watch since yesterday!

Storm: Are you not a prophet?

Prophet: And prophet don’t use to watch DSTV?

A pregnant woman comes out.

Pregnant woman: This your rain just use to make me carry belle any how.

Storm: …

Another man shouts.

Man: And Amala is now N200!

Storm: What concern Amala with this now?

Man: I don’t know! I just want to say my mind!

At that moment, a young lady screams.

Young Lady: Thief! Someone stole my bag!

Storm’s eyes start to turn white as she summons rain.

Prophet: You see! You see what I am saying. She has started again oh! You can’t catch thief without rain?

Pregnant woman: This rain must not bring traffic oh.


IBADAN

NAMING CEREMONY/CELEBRATION OF LIFE.

Gbenga, obviously happy at the clear skies, dances at the party while Kola frowns and paces.

Kola: Where is that storm woman now?

Kola’s wife: You better sit down so that when they want to shoot you, bullet can enter well.

Kola: You will let them shoot your husband? The father of your child?

Kola’s wife: (hisses) When your preek will not stay in one place. Rubbish!

Storm comes into the party and Kola runs up to her.

Kola: Since morning! Oya, do rain now!

The hairdresser’s husband walks up to Kola and punches him. A fight ensues. Storm starts to make it rain. The party descends into chaos.


MURTALA MUHAMMED INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

As Buhari is about the fly out of the country, the weather starts to make his plane shake.

Buhari: Ban zat Storm woman! Ban ha!

Storm

LAGOS

As the prophet fixes his window. The rain detaches and destroys another window and it flies off into the wind.

Prophet: STORM! THEY POSSESS YOU?! THEY SEND YOU TO ME?!

Check back every Friday by 2pm for new stories in the Just Imagine series.

Hauwa L

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

July 16, 2021

GPS technology is very simple. You input a location, and it gets you to where you need to be. Clear cut and No drama. Except when the GPS is voiced by your Nigerian mother. Heavy sigh. It’s morning and a guy, casually dressed, steps into his Mercedes Benz and turns on the ignition. As the […]

June 18, 2021

If I had a kobo for every time I heard the phrase, “Nigeria brings out the beast in people,” my Canada relocation funds would be complete, and I’d be shaking my ass on a yacht with Bill Gates. But all Nigeria gives is frustration. Now, imagine we had a superhero who turns into a beast […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

diagram of the female reproductive system
July 25, 2021

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is still largely unspoken about across Nigeria. Many people may have heard about it but a lot of them don’t know what’s true or not about PCOS. Here are five myths and facts about PCOS.  Every woman with PCOS growing hair in unlikely places.  Though a common symptom of PCOS is […]

black woman in the gym
July 25, 2021

I spoke to four Nigerian women about what visiting the gym as a woman is like. Here’s what they had to say: Bibi, 22 I always have a pleasant experience at the gym but there was this day, my friends and I were on the mat and the instructor was helping us stretch our bodies. It […]

July 24, 2021

Puff puff is a popular African snack. It is basically fried dough. Some people love pepper in it, while some people don’t like it at all. Today, we’re going to teach you how to make puff puff. First, you get your ingredients: Flour (duh) Yeast Warm water Salt Sugar Cooking oil Now that you have […]

Sex Life
July 24, 2021

Whether you’ve been reading Zikoko Sex Life for two years or you’re reading it for the first time today, here are some stories you must enjoy at least twice. 1. Awakening My Bisexuality At 27 I remember when we were making out, it was so intense that I suddenly felt the urge to tell this […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

More from Just Imagine

July 23, 2021

What’s not to love about ATMs? If you just ignore the long queues, bad network, and occasional swallowing of cards, ATMs are a lifesaver.  They do their jobs and let you go about your day. But what if you were stuck in a parallel universe where ATMs could speak? It’s 5 a.m. A young man […]

July 16, 2021

GPS technology is very simple. You input a location, and it gets you to where you need to be. Clear cut and No drama. Except when the GPS is voiced by your Nigerian mother. Heavy sigh. It’s morning and a guy, casually dressed, steps into his Mercedes Benz and turns on the ignition. As the […]

July 9, 2021

Nigerians parents would rather walk into a crocodile-infested river than spend two minutes in a room with a cat. You now bring a woman, who claims to be a cat, to meet your parents? Disaster.  On this episode of #JustImagine, Catwoman meets her Nigerian in-laws and things get very weird. There is a small crowd […]

July 2, 2021

When you take a closer look, Romeo and Juliet is a classic Nigerian story. Boy meets Girl. They fall in love. But their parents refuse to agree to a union due to irreconcilable differences. Sounds familiar? The only part of this story that doesn’t quite gel is the dying part. Nigerian men will say they’d […]

June 25, 2021

Nigerians in A Quiet Place? LMAO. They wouldn’t last two minutes.  For the people who haven’t seen the movie – A Quiet Place, the title is really all there is to it. It takes place in a post-apocalyptic world where sounds attract blood hungry monsters. So if you are doing anything and you make a […]

June 18, 2021

If I had a kobo for every time I heard the phrase, “Nigeria brings out the beast in people,” my Canada relocation funds would be complete, and I’d be shaking my ass on a yacht with Bill Gates. But all Nigeria gives is frustration. Now, imagine we had a superhero who turns into a beast […]

May 28, 2021

If God gave Nigerian parents clay to make the perfect daughter, they’d mould a God-fearing woman with six children and a husband she diligently submits to. Now, imagine God ignores their request and, instead, sends them a daughter who isn’t particularly interested in marriage and just wants to fight men all day. Chaos. Well, because […]

May 21, 2021

La Casa De Papel, or Money Heist as it is famously called, was such a fan favorite in Nigeria because, other than the brilliant storyline, one heist or the other happens every day in this country. The economy is a mess, the government wants to double fuel price, and crypto is refusing to get up.  […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X