The Spiritual Effects of Women Dressing Indecently, According To This Christian Book

September 4, 2020

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today’s book is titled, “The Spiritual Effects of Women Dressing Indecently On Society

The author starts the book putting women into 2 groups, Deborahs (good Christian woman) and Delilahs (women of the world), and complains that it has gotten incredibly hard to distinguish between the two.

He buttresses his point by saying that Christian women should aim to look different from worldly women because it’s easy to tell, just by looking, the difference between a doctor and a prostitute.

As is custom with the people who write stuff like this, he proceeds to tell a story (in this case, a literal example of “them say, them say”) that ties into the subject matter of the book.

He says he heard the story of a girl named Esther who had just accepted Jesus and was so excited about the prospect of not experiencing an eternity of hot girl summer in hell. Unfortunately for Esther, she attended a church that preached the doctrine of God being more concerned with one’s heart than their appearance so she didn’t know to swap her Brazilian weaves and apple bottom jeans for a scarf and an oversize suit straight out of an Igbo visual album.

However, Esther’s friend had a problem accepting the idea of Esther being a born again Christian and proceeded to laugh at her harder than a hyena on ecstasy. Confused, Esther asked her just what she finds funny and the friend took that as an excuse to go OFF.

So Esther went home that day and “allowed the precious soul to escape from her.”

Even worse, he din’t explain and just ended the story there.

The author shades the churches who teach people the doctrine that was taught the Esther and you just know it took all his energy to not go all out and drop names. Anyways, he says that a good Christian woman serving “Deeper Life chic” with her clothing is important because:

Then he drags Jessica Rabbit.

Unprovoked.

He tells another story. This time, about a teenage boy he once counselled who was addicted to viciously beating the old sausage.

I meant masturbation. In case that wasn’t clear.

According to him, the boy developed this addiction after years of watching porn on his father’s phone. To be clear, this isn’t a case of a curious child secretly using his father’s phone to watch clips from “Nasty Nurses Revenge.” It’s a case of the father downloading “Backdoor Sluts 9: Day of Reckoning” on his phone for his own consumption and then handing said phone to his child to play with. The boy stumbled on the porn, and the rest is history documented in this god awful book.

What comes next in the story will gross even Lars von Trier out.

It’s funny how the man who literally handed porn to his teenage son is criticising his wife for getting dressed in front of said child as if both of them are not mad.

Girl I…

There’s a thing about how women should dress modestly so as not lure men into having sinful thoughts or engaging in fornication. I stopped here to laugh because since when did women dressing modestly stop men from thinking sinful thoughts?

The author ends the book with a list of ways to know if a person isn’t modestly dressed. You have to see this for yourself.

A woman showing her thighs is pure wickedness? Damn.

Chest hair is sexy, huh? Noted.

Girl, bye.

Check back every Friday for more So You Don’t Have To insanity.

Click here to read other entries in the So You Don’t Have To series.


Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

More from So You Don't Have To

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X