Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old heterosexual woman who talks about being horny for the first time at 21, getting better at sex by having multiple partners, and how relocating to a new country made her celibate for 9 months.
What was your first sexual experience?
I was 21 and experiencing horniness for the first time in my life. Before then, people would talk about ovulation and how it made them super horny, and I couldn’t relate. But as soon as I turned 21, it hit me out of nowhere. I couldn’t sleep some nights. I would wake up, the AC would be on and I’d be sweating. I’d ask myself, “What is wrong with you? Why is your body hot because you want to fuck somebody?”
Like actual heat?
I swear, it wasn’t funny at all. Sha, there was a friend I had and he’d text me stuff like, “Come and sit on my face”. One day he got lucky. I was down bad, and he texted me. I told him to come over. I was tired of being horny.
I started second-guessing at some point. But I told myself, “You said you’re going to do this, so if you have to get drunk, get drunk, but do it.” I was probably jittery because it was my first time.
And how did this rendezvous go?
To be honest, it was just there. I was happy I’d done it finally, but I expected a little more from the foreplay. It felt nice, but it was not mind-blowing. Overall, it was okay.
Now that your first time was out of the way, what came next?
For a while, I didn’t really like sex because I kept sleeping with that guy — he’s probably the person I’ve slept with the most in this life. But eventually, it got good. Like, really good. I’d be there thinking, “Ahn ahn, you’re really stepping up your game o.” I didn’t know what he was doing, I just noticed it was more enjoyable.
Whenever we met, we had sex. I started wanting to see him more.
Was he your only partner?
No oh. I was seeing other guys, sharpening my skills.
Things were smooth until the 2020 lockdown happened three years later. He didn’t live close, and I was living with my parents. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I could say I wanted to go stay at his place for a while or invite him to mine. So I started looking at someone else.
A new person?
No o. So there was this other guy I was friends with for the longest time. We were crazy attracted to each other, but we didn’t do or say anything about it. Then he moved back to Nigeria around 2018 and we got talking. After a year of “will they, won’t they…”
I used to have about four to five guys on my roster. But with the pandemic, it was just this guy I was attracted to left. We started dating a month into the lockdown.
But, the pankere was still on, so how?
To be honest I was very irresponsible. I knew there was a lockdown, but I still went outside.
The best part was that my boyfriend didn’t live too far from me. I’d tell him I wanted to see him, next thing he’d pull up close to the house, and I’d tell them at home that I was going to buy indomie.
But buying indomie takes—
Three hours. It takes three hours.
We were so attracted to each other, it was almost animalistic. Before we became official, there was a month we had sex every day. Sometimes two or three times in one day.
Work rate >>>
And this was pre-pandemic, so I was still seeing the other guys. I remember being so tired that I went to see one of the others, and I fell asleep when I was on top of him.
LMAO. You did what?
I was exhausted. At some point during the thing, I couldn’t even get my waist to cooperate. But I woke up the next morning and found that he had deposited me on the bed. Honestly, it wasn’t my best performance.
I’m dying at how much that sounds like an appraisal.
No, but for real. Wasn’t the best.
So what happened with the boyfriend?
Pandemic ended and so did our relationship. I planned to travel for school in early 2020, but I couldn’t until December. We didn’t think we could do long-distance so we broke up that month.
The second I landed in Germany, my involuntary celibacy started.
Ahan, there were no hot Germans in your area? Tinder? Bumble?
Me? Go out? No o. There were people but for the first four months or so, I was too busy trying to survive. I was a black person who didn’t speak German. Life came at me fast. Sex had never been less of a priority in my life.
21-year-old you would be shocked.
Lol, she should rest. I was trying to make sure I ate, please. For almost five months I didn’t even masturbate. Also, I was living with my brother, so I couldn’t have anybody come over. The one time a classmate came over and tried to hit on me, I shut it down quickly.
Caucasian men are fine o. These white boys can be beautiful. I’d go out and see them in ashewo shorts with their beautiful butts. They’re fine, but honestly, there’s no way to know if they’ve showered or brushed their teeth. Or if they’re racist.
Yeah, you can’t do trial and error with that last one. What about the black men?
I’ve met a few Nigerian men, but they’re always trying to talk about marriage immediately after meeting you.
But then there was this one guy I’d been talking to on Twitter since the pandemic. He was in Germany and helped me with information for my move to Germany. I started to see him differently the more we talked, and I told him I had a crush on him. But this was before my months of struggle, so nothing happened.
Once I settled in, I hit him up again. I impulsively booked a hotel room in his city and told him I was coming…
Oh sorry, I had a flashback just now.
Honestly, I didn’t expect it to be so good because he’s such a reserved person. We ended up at his place because my hotel was a nonsense place, we spoke for a while, then he asked if we could make out. The rest is history.
Congratulations on the termination of your celibacy.
Thank you very much. After nine long months.
Are there any plans to see this fellow again?
Oh definitely. I like him and the sex is good.
How would you rate your sex life over 10?
I’d rate it a 6 now because of the distance. That night with him was probably an 8/10, but he’s in a different city and I’m not seeing anybody else.